The Good, The Bad, The Durian

I would like to just give Sarah full credit for the clever title of this post. I told her I would. So here it is Sarah. You're so clever sometimes. 

Again, I am so sorry about the time I have let pass. Life is crazy here in Cambodia and the wifi is even crazier. So please forgive me and keep reading. 

Thursday was a day full of excitement.

The good kind and the bad kind.  

We asked for Thursday off *upon Sharon's request* so that we could run errands and prep for our trip. We also thought it would be easier to all leave from the same spot in order to avoid miscommunications and tuk tuk drivers that say they know where there going but actually have no idea. Which is a common occurrence here. 

We planned to sleep in and leave the hotel *by tuk tuk* at 9:00 am to meet Shanleigh and Mallory at the Russian Market, which is within walking distance of their apartment. 

So we woke up, facetimed our families, and then had the hotel call us a tuk tuk. The driver showed up and the receptionist told him to take us to the Russian Market. We decided on a price and then hit the road. The trip was great and we started to see some familiar sites from our drives around town. We called Shanleigh and told her that we were getting closer and so she left the apartment and headed our way. Our tuk tuk driver got a tad turned around and asked us something in Khmer and we just kept repeating Russian Market. He nodded and kept driving. Then he pulled up next to another tuk tuk driver and started talking to him in Khmer. The other driver gave him directions and then we were on our way again. We finally got to the market, paid, and then jumped out. 

All the markets are the same. Huge sheets of metal arounnd the outside and then a maze of stalls on the inside. We jumped out and just picked an entrance. We called Shanleigh and asked where she was. She said she was on her way still but that she would meet us at the produce area of the market. So we wandered around the maze... I mean market. *Please keep in mind that we both had our purses and traveling bags with us... It was a nightmare squeezing between people and weaving in and between the stalls* 

Nothing was looking familiar but everything looked the same.

We were getting frustrated. 

We finally made it to a meat and produce section but it didn't look like the one that we had been to the other day. It smelled really really REALLY bad 

and it was hot 

and there were so many people 

and the fish were flopping on the tables 

and the floor was covered in an unknown liquid 

and I brushed up against a giant pig head.

We called Shanleigh and told her that we were there, she described the location that she was at and we concluded that we were at opposite sides of the market. 

So Sarah and I went back in. 

We got to the other side and called her. 

Still in the wrong place. 

This happened a few more times. 

For about thirty more minutes.

We then concluded that we were at the wrong market. 

Sarah and I staggered across the street.

We asked around and found out the name of the market and relayed it to Shanleigh who then told Sharon who then looked it up. Sharon picked up Shanleigh and they began their search for us. 

As we stood and waited, we declined many tuk tuk offers and had many conversations about how we were not going to the airport even though we had bags. Quite a while went by and there was no sign of Sharon and Shanleigh. Then they called... 

Guess what.

They couldn't find the market. 

So we hailed a tuk tuk and handed the phone to our driver. Sharon then told him how to get to the Russian Market and then we headed that way. We reached a corner where we had all bought bananas together so we quickly called out "chop chop chop!" *stop* We paid and hopped out. Once we were out we called Sharon and told her that we were at the banana corner and Shanleigh knew exactly where to go. 

PRAISE THE LORD.

They told us to wait there and they would be there pronto. So Sarah and I moved out of the way of pedestrian traffic and waited for them to arrive. As we were standing, a man called out to us and offered a place next to him on the bench by his fruit stand. We gladly accepted and sat down. I began talking with him and we talked about where I was from and how long I had been in Cambodia and what I was doing in Cambodia for so long. He asked about Texas and the weather and where we were headed with all of our luggage. The car finally drove up and I thanked him for his generosity and kindness. 

Have I mentioned how many beautiful there are here in Cambodia?

We piled into the car and sighed.

Relief at last.

The rest of our day was wonderful. Theary *the Welch's adopted Cambodian daughter* taught us how to make spring rolls and stir fried vegetables. We had a wonderful lunch at the Welch's house and then relaxed for a bit. We then decided to walk down to a local coffee shop called Jars of Clay and kill some time. It's an adorable coffee shop that appeals mainly to Westerners. It's a Christian run shop and they employ women that have escaped from sex trafficking. 

After our coffee break we prepared to leave for the bus station. We were quite a sight. All 6 of us walking down the street with our suitcases. We drew a few crowds.  

We made it to the bus station and boarded our bus. 

Then we took off at 5:30 for our 6 hour bus ride. 

Y'all.

A 6 hour bus ride in a third world country is not on my list of favorite things. I don't mean to sound entitled or like I'm too good for a bus ride, but I suffer from extreme motion-sickness and these roads are not my friend. I even over-dosed on motion-sickness pills and was still miserable.

It was so bad. 

Those 6 hours are a blur. 

There was Khmer music videos playing at max volume the whole time. 

The bus driver honked the entire time.

The lights kept going on and off.

The air kept going on and off. 

It felt like I was on a roller coaster. 

And it smelled awful.

Quick side note:

I'm a big smell person. 

I have a strong sense of smell.

I also have strong gag reflexes. 

These do not always get along. 

Especially here in Phnom Penh. 

But I have this really great defense. For as long as I can remember, I have been able to block off my nasal passages and therefore, avoiding smelling and or tasting something undesirable. It's a really great feature and I appreciate my body for being able to do that. 

Anyways, sometimes it's really hard to walk or ride in a tuk tuk down the street because the smells are so strong. 

The open markets are really hard because they are always swarming with people that are hot and sticky and pushing each other around. Plus you have the smell of raw fish and meat and fruits and veggies and seafood and everything else. When you watch a movie that involves picturesque open markets, you don't really think about what it all smells like. And let me tell ya, if you did... Hollywood would lose some money. 

It's real.

Here are some distinct Smells of Cambodia:

Incense

Burning trash

Raw meat

Garbage

Cows

Filth

Perfume

Exhaust

Body oder

and last but not least...

Durian. *it's the worst smelling fruit and it is typically illegal to take it into enclosed places... look it up*

So. Yeah. 

Sometimes it's not toooo pleasant. 

That bus was full of all the smells of Cambodia.

And I wasn't too thrilled. 

Neither was my stomach.

Poor Sarah. 

She always has to deal with me. 

But like always, she was the best caretaker. 

She checked on me.

She talked to me.

She gave me her neck pillow. 

She monitored my medicine intake. 

She rocks. 

6 hours later.

I was still alive. 

We all piled in a tuk tuk and made our way to the hotel.

We arrived, unloaded, and went to bed. 

Phew. 

It was a crazy, whirlwind of a day. 

It was filled with good times.

It was filled with not so good times.

And it was filled with the lovely smell of durian. 

And yes, that was me being sarcastic. 

I'm so glad I get to have so many adventures.

Even if they aren't too fun.

They make for great stories. 

Blessings,

Cassie

Watermelon Stains

Hello friends! 

I noticed that a lot of my posts have to do with food...

I would apologize, but Sarah and I just really miss food. 

Sarah has been having dreams of cheese. 

That's how real it is. 

It's already Wednesday and technically our Friday. 

We are heading to Siem Riep tomorrow! 

We will be gone the 4th-8th and we are so excited. 

Sharon is taking us to Angkor Wat which *in a very short-nutshell-version* is an ancient temple that was discovered. Look it up on the internet right now... 

Seriously.

Do it.

Pretty cool huh?

So we'll spend a couple of days at the temples and then do tourist things around the town. Sharon even said we may get to experience a fish pedicure. You know those pedicures where the little fish eat the dead skin off your feet? It's equally intriguing, disgusting, and exciting to me. I can't wait. 

I'm so excited for our mini vacation. 

I feel bad about leaving the school and my students, but we won't be gone long. Plus, they are probably so tired of me trying to teach. 

Oh well. 

The school days have been pretty routine. 

Coffee

Teach

Laugh

Break

Help prepare lunch

Laugh

Teach

Eat lunch

Break

Nap

Teach

Laugh

Break

Laugh

Teach

Done with students

Break

Teach children

Laugh

Eat dinner

Sleep

Laugh

*Sarah says I laugh in my sleep... Go figure*

I need to explain about the school really fast, I've seemed to leave y'all in the dark about that. Sokhom picks two promising boys *well young men I guess* from each Province *village* and they come and train at the school. They live on the second floor of the school for 3 years, study bible, some attend the university, and then they graduate from the preaching school. Once they graduate, they head back to their Province and start a church and become the preacher there. It's a really neat system and helps these boys stay out of bad situations that they may get involved with back in their villages. The boys' ages range from 17 *the absolute youngest* to mid-20's. They can go and see their families, but only for days at a time. No worries though, it's not like they are prisoners here. They all call Srey Nang "sister" and everyone is family here. 

Last night we got to talk to Sokhom for a long time. We talked about his family and his history. He told us how this place got started and how crazy it still is to him. He never imagined that he would be training preachers and running a school. But he knows how great God is and how His plan trumps all of ours. I asked about Chen and why he was only 17 while everyone else is in their 20's. Sokhom told us that he was in the states for awhile and needed Tolah and Srey Nang to do some recruiting in the villages for new students until he got back. Well they ended up recruiting 16 year old Chen who said he was 18 at the time. *the age required to go to the school* When Sokhom got back, Chen told him the truth and said he had lied because he didn't think they would accept him. He was an orphan and was being abused by his aunt. He didn't know how to read very well and just needed a way out. Sokhom gave it to him and now my life has been absolutely blessed by Chen. He is such a good student and he makes me laugh pretty much all the time. I had no idea where he had been in life. It's incredible and heartbreaking learning the students' stories. But so encouraging to see how far they've come. 

I love them all so much.

Today, Srey Nang bought a whole rice sack *they'e huge* filled with watermelons and during one of the breaks, the students cut them up. We all shared the wonderful summer fruit and visited. I got watermelon juice all over my white t-shirt and ran to the sink to wash it out. As I was attempting to wash it out, *and failing at it* I started thinking about my friends here and the relationships that I'm building. 

Will they remember me? Will they laugh when they think about our language confusion and me attempting to speak Khmer? Will they keep studying and learning more and more English? Will I be replaced with another teacher? A better teacher? Was I good enough? Did they even learn anything? 

I kept scrubbing and scrubbing my shirt and wondering if I've had any sort of impact on them. I wondered if I was leaving a stain here in Cambodia. 

It's not about you.

BAM

Slap in the face. 

*surprise*

I can never seem to escape my *selfish* need to be hero.

Who cares if they remember me.

Who cares if a better teacher comes.

*I hope one does* 

Who cares if they like him/her more. 

It's not about the difference I'm making.

It's not about how great I am.  

It's all about God and how great he is.

It's about whether or not I was able to show them Jesus. 

It's about whether or not they were able to feel how much God loves them. 

I pray that they know how much they are loved and cherished. 

Because I sure love them a lot. 

And I know God loves them so much more. 

 

I can't believe that this is almost all over. 

It seems like we just got here. 

It's going to be bittersweet going home, that's for sure. 

But I'll keep my watermelon stains on my shirt. 

And my new friends in my heart. 

I pray that I'm being the hands and feet of Jesus.

And I pray that my boys feel absolutely loved.  

Love you all,

Cassie 

Truen Luig Knyome Luang

It's the middle of our Monday and the middle of our first day of our fourth week. I can't believe it's July 1st. In 8 days, Sarah and I will have been here for a month.. WHAT?

It's crazy that we live here. 

Yesterday was an absolutely glorious day. 

And yes, I'll tell you all about it. 

We got picked up for church and arrived at the school a little before service started. We visited with everyone and with the children. We were expecting to be teaching the children again, but Srey Nang told us that Chanty was teaching them so that we could worship with our friends that were coming. 

Mallory and Shanleigh were coming to church! 

WE WERE ECSTATIC.

Mallory and Shanleigh are friends from ACU that are also in the WorldWide Witness program. They were in class with Sarah and I and are also working here in Phnom Penh this summer. They are working with Dennis and Sharon Welch who run the SNACK program, which is a program takes food out into the villages and feeds the children healthy and vitamin-rich foods that help reduce malnutrition. *I think that's a run-on sentence, but I don't care* We haven't been able to see them at all because our schedules are crazy and traffic is crazy and life is crazy. You know. So we were so happy to know that they were coming to church. 

It was a glorious reunion and we were able to meet Sharon and Dennis, as well as their adopted daughter, Theary. *Teary* 

We worshiped *in Khmer* and heard Sokhom preach. Dennis was even invited to finish Sokhom's sermon so he stepped up and preached as well. It was so fun to see my students leading singing, prayers, and communion. But the best part was when Srun began passing out the little yellow songbooks that are full of English worship songs. He got to me and whispered "Amazing Grace" excitedly. Then, with all that they had, they began singing Amazing Grace in English. 

Y'all. 

I almost cried right there next to Srey Nang. 

I taught them the words to the song last week and now they were singing it during church. We went through all the verses. 

No, it was not done in perfect English.

But it was sung absolutely from the heart.

It was beautiful. 

*Proud teacher moment* 

We finished service and then chatted with everyone, made introductions, and caught up with Mallory and Shanleigh. Then we headed to lunch with Dennis, Sharon, Theary, and the girls. We stopped by the bus station on the way to the restaurant and bought our bus tickets for our trip this weekend. *Sarah and I are going with Sharon, Theary, Mallory, and Shanleigh to a town called Siem Riep for the weekend* Then we went to the restaurant that they had picked for us to try. It was a vegetarian restaurant that served food made completely out of mushrooms. It was very interesting and very delicious. They have a million different kinds of mushrooms here and some taste like different meats. Yes it's weird. But it was so good! We had some fried ones that tasted like chicken. We had a "hamburger," as well as fried rice with mushrooms and noodles with mushrooms. We drank Khmer tea and iced coffee with milk. *remember it's made with sweetened condensed milk* It was a delicious lunch and we enjoyed getting to know Sharon, Dennis, and Theary better. They asked us our favorite, least favorite, and most surprising/most unprepared for things since we've been here. Those were hard questions but I immediately knew my favorite part: my students. I love the relationships that I'm making and I love learning *even though it's the hardest part* how to speak to their hearts. I didn't really have a least favorite, except maybe the fact that I get sick a lot. My stomach just can't handle all the flavors here. The most surprising thing was definitely those first 3 days... I was so homesick and I was completely unprepared. In all my preparation for this trip, I hadn't even thought about homesickness. But I learned how to change my outlook early on, so that has been wonderful. Yes, I miss my family. And my friends. And my bed. And my cat. But I'll see them soon. Until then, I'm completely Khmer.

They told us about their struggles and victories in moving here and learning how to minister to these people. 

It was a great lunch and soon it was time to go. They took us to Mallory and Shanleigh's apartment and we said goodbye. We climbed a million flights of stairs and finally reached their apartment. *the higher you live, the wealthier you are* We were given a quick tour, changed out of our church clothes, and then headed back down the millions of stairs. We reached the street and they showed us around their neighborhood and led us to the Russian Market. The Russian Market is a HUGE maze thing that is covered *kind of under a huge tent* and is full of vendors that sell everything. Clothes, shoes, food, bags, jewelry, furniture... everything. We shopped around and they taught Sarah and I the art of haggling. I was to scared to try it yesterday, but someday I'll be able to be assertive. Until then, thanks girls for helping us not pay over $5 for anything. 

After the Russian Market, we wandered the streets and tried different food from food carts. We had grilled bananas and some kind of baked crepe thing that tasted like a fortune cookie. We had so much fun just wandering around and looking like idiots taking pictures of ourselves. We finally made it back to their apartment and our gracious hostesses made us all smoothies to help us cool off. We all sat and talked for a long time. It was so wonderful to just talk about our experiences and share stories. You don't realize how much you miss having stuff in common with people. 

Once it started to get closer to dinner time, we walked out to the street and hopped on a tuk tuk that was riverside-bound. We got to the riverside *even though there was a torrential downpour* and found the restaurant we wanted to eat at. It was called Viva and it served Mexican and Khmer food. 

It was heavenly. 

You never know what you have until it's gone. 

And let me tell you... 

I now know that I'm in love with Mexican food. 

After dinner *and the rainstorm* we walked down the street and past a million restaurants and little shops. On the other side of the insanely busy road, is the river and a huge park area that runs the length of the river. There were thousands and thousands of people out and enjoying the cool weather and beautiful sunset. We walked through the Night Market which is exactly like the Russian Market, except that it's only open at night and it's all open. After the Night Market, we *very carefully and very quickly* crossed the street and ended up in the park area. There were people everywhere and so many things going on. My favorite evening activity that was taking place, was the evening aerobics class. There was a man leading it and a ton of women, all wearing red, following his every move. It was hilarious and Mallory and I joined in for a moment. 

We kept walking and talking until we reached their favorite ice cream shop called "Toto's." It was definitely designed to appeal to Westerners, and believe me, it appealed to me. It was all white and robin's egg blue inside. The seat cushions were robin's egg blue and polka dots and the lampshades had pastel teapots all over them. It was seriously the cutest little ice cream parlor. We sampled a bunch of kinds, including mangosteen, *my favorite Cambodian fruit* and finally decided on a variety of flavors. I had a scoop of strawberry sorbet, Sarah had tiramisu *sorry if that's spelled wrong* and coffee almond, Shanleigh had coconut and jackfruit, and Mallory had coffee and chocolate. We talked about our thoughts on being here and shared more experiences, victories, and struggles. 

After the ice cream, we said goodbye and hopped on our separate tuk tuks.  

It was seriously the best day ever. 

We kept talking about community and how desperately it's needed by people. We take it for granted back in the states, but it's such a necessary part of life. It's so comforting to know you have people that care about you and have experienced the same things you have and have struggled with the same things you have. 

We got lost on our tuk tuk ride back, but it's okay. We survived and made it home around 8:30.

Our day was full of community and it was absolutely wonderful. 

This morning came entirely too early, but we woke up and made it downstairs by 6:35 so we could FaceTime with our families for an hour. It was so wonderful to get to see and talk with them. Veesna arrived with the tuk tuk and we headed to school. 

We reviewed and then learned more vocabulary words this morning. It was an interesting experience *no surprise there* but we made it through 2 hours and learned 6 new words.

 

Limb

Complete

Frequently

Mock

Earn

Ignore  

We had lunch at 10:15 and then sat and visited with everyone. Sythourn brought his guitar *after we requested him to* and songbook down and put on a concert for us. He played a lot of worship songs in Khmer and I recognized a couple of the tunes. Then he played "You Raise Me Up" and sang it in Khmer. 

It was beautiful. 

As he sang, I looked around at all of my new friends and thought about all my friends at home. I thought about my community in Abilene and my Cambodian community. 

I am so blessed. 

I am completely surrounded by people that love me and raise me up daily. 

I am completely surrounded by incredibly beautiful people.

As he sang "truen luig knyome luang"

I thanked God for all the people in my life and for their ability to raise me up. 

So if you're reading this, thank you. 

Truen luig kynome luang.

You raise me up. 

Love you all SO much,

Cassie  

Peaks and Valleys

So sorry I haven't blogged in a couple of days. 

I just get so tired at night.

Lame excuse, I know. And I apologize for that.

But it's real. 

Thursday was great. 

Much better than my Wednesday of mishaps.

I went into the classroom that morning with a positive attitude and cheerful heart. *because that's the way that a day should start... shout out to all my HYG friends* 

We played a game that used all of their direction giving/receiving skills. I made them come up in pairs and had one of them close their eyes. While their eyes were closed, their partner would arrange a maze of chairs in front of them and then direct them through the maze using only English. It was so funny to watch as they both struggled. I even had a turn. I may or may not have let them play for the entire hour. That afternoon I began teaching them vocabulary words and they really enjoyed those. I taught them the definition of "matching" and we played a lot of matching games with the newly learned words and definitions. It was pretty funny trying to explain the definitions of some of these words, but they were troopers and we learned 10 new words. The rest of the day was typical; full of laughter, communication struggles, and interesting food. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

Friday came and we were thrilled to have the weekend a day away. 

My students wanted more vocabulary words. 

I was excited. 

By the end of class Friday afternoon, they had learned 23 words and could match them with their definitions. Can they write sentences using the words yet? Eh. Not so much... 

Baby steps. 

Okay, so I have a confession. 

One of the vocabulary words was "peak."

You know like the top of the mountain?

Well they got that down. 

But a certain 19 year old English teacher may have taught them that "peak" also means the same thing as "peek" because that certain 19 year old English teacher forgot that you spelled "peek" differently from "peak."

Whoops. 

I guess 12 Cambodian boys will now believe that peek is spelled peak. 

Cassie White: Failing at spelling since 1994. 

We finished up our Friday at the school and then headed back to the hotel to enjoy a nice bag of popcorn and an orange Fanta. 

Hooray for Friday nights and that top level of the food pyramid. 

Today is Saturday and Sarah and I just got back from a day out and about with Roth *pronounced: Rote* and Selah.

We were kind of politely uninvited to the village today.

I think my vomiting episode kind of ruined our chances of ever going back out there. Although, I'm not tooooo upset about that. 

We slept in until 8:30 *WOOHOO*

The boys picked us up at 10:00 and we headed to the S-21 museum. 

We drove through town and I slipped some motion sickness pills out of my pocket. We got to an intersection and came across a huge parade *they are called street parties here* that was blocking traffic. It was a promotional parade for the Cambodia's People Party which is the party of the current Prime Minister of Cambodia. They will have and election to vote for a new Prime Minister in a month, so there is a TON of promoting going on. 

Roth and Selah were not only annoyed with the flamboyancy of this parade, but also with the whole party itself. They went on to tell us that the party is for rich people and is absolutely corrupt. A rich person can commit murder and pay their way out of it, while a poor person can commit the smallest crime and end up in prison for life. They said that they both will be voting against the Prime Minister, but it's a lost cause. He'll win again. Roth then said something that I was not prepared to hear. He said that maybe all of these horrible leaders was God's way of punishing Cambodia because they do not believe in him. 

Well how on earth are you supposed to respond to that?

I unfortunately didn't have time to because he immediately began to make a joke. He told us that if you wanted to know about Cambodia, all you had to do was look at the traffic. It's crazy and unorganized. Street signs and laws are ignored. You want to drive on the wrong side of the road? Go for it. The lines are merely a suggestion. The laws are merely a suggestion. 

The parade finally ended and the topic was soon dropped. 

But I kept thinking about what Roth said. 

And this world is a lot like Cambodia's streets. 

Crazy.

Unorganized. 

Corrupt.

Unjust. 

Selfish. 

And so dangerous. 

I look around here and think to myself:

Guys. There is a stop sign there for a reason!

I'm sure God looks down and thinks:

Children. I gave you this commandment for a reason!

We are so dumb sometimes.

We can't agree on anything. 

We conveniently look over laws. 

We live incredibly selfish lives.

We cross lines.

We, as humans, are just like the traffic here. 

But it's so wonderful to be loved by such a forgiving God. 

And it's so comforting to know this is not our home. 

So that was my 45 minute ride through the streets of Phnom Penh. 

We finally arrived at the Genocide Museum and went inside. 

It's official name is Tuol Sleng and it was security office 21 in "Democratic Kampuchea." It was a high school-turned prison created by Pol Pot in 1975 and designed for detention, interrogation, inhumane torture, and killings once the prisoner confessed. There are 4 buildings that surround a courtyard and each building houses many prison cells that were constructed out of wood and bricks. The building are 3 stories high and are covered in fishnet barbwire in order to prevent prisoners from jumping off the balconies and committing suicide. 

So basically it's a really dark place. 

Each room had a bed and a torture instrument in it for visitors to see. It was incredibly eerie. There were signs posted around by the museum facilitators *not sure if that's the right word* that depicted a man laughing with a huge red "x" through his mouth. We assumed that to mean that we shouldn't laugh. But believe me, you didn't feel like laughing. There were huge displays of all of the pictures of the prisoners. Men, women, children. It was really hard to see. 

It's just so frustrating to me that this event in history was never explained to me. It may be because it's a fairly recent event, but still. It's frustrating that my generation knows nothing about it. 

We stayed for about an hour and then headed to our next destination. 

Mike's Hamburger House. 

Sokhom told us about this place and said that it was the best hamburger in town. And let me tell you. it was. We walked in and ordered for ourselves and then thought to order for our kind hosts. *stupid Americans* We all found a table and I went to get drinks for Roth and Selah. As I was at the coke machine, struggling to work the thing *stupid American*, a man came up to me and *with surprisingly good English* told me how to do it and gave me the right cup. *I picked up the to-go cup instead* He then asked where I was from and if this was my first time to Cambodia and to the hamburger shop. We chatted for a while and then he introduced himself as THE Mike. It was Mike.. the hamburger guy! I felt like I was talking to a celebratory. He told me how his restaurant had been featured in the news all over and even in the New York Times. 

I was impressed.

We talked for a while longer and then he told me to enjoy my hamburger because it was going to be the best I've ever had. And let me tell you. 

It was. 

So thank you Mike. 

Thank you for giving me a little taste of home. 

Did it make me sick to my stomach?

Absolutely. 

Was it worth it?

Absolutely. 

I stopped on my way out and told Mike that he was right. 

I also told him that I would be back. 

Ah.

I love Mike the burger man. 

After the hamburger, we drove quite a ways and reached another museum. This one was called Choeung Ek and it was a literal killing field during Pol Pot's reign. We paid *native Cambodians get in free to the museums* and picked up our headsets. This museum had an hour long guided tour and it was incredible. The area that we were in was once an orchard and there were many fruit trees still in the area. It was so green and extremely peaceful since there was no talking allowed. Sarah and I made our way past mass grave sites, trees that served as killing tools, and cases full of bones and clothes that still continue to appear in the ground during the rainy season. It was an extremely saddening walk through that area and the stories and information that were shared via the headset, were both horrendous and inspiring. It was awful listening to all the ways that they killed the prisoners there, but the stories told by the survivors were incredible. We ended the tour at a huge monument known as the Memorial Stupa. It is 17 *I think* levels *not stories* tall and each level displays the remains of the victims. The first 10 levels hold over 9,000 skulls and then other bones fill the top levels. 

It's unreal. 

*If you look to the right of this post, you'll see a link that will direct you to my Flickr account. There, you can see pictures that I took today*

Once we were done, we all headed back to the car. 

Selah had been to the museums several times, but it was Roth's first time today. They both talked about how their parents talk about the Khmer Rouge a lot. Roth said that his grandmother always cries when someone mentions it though. 

The affects of this Genocide are still very present here in Cambodia. 

It's heartbreaking to realize that this country is still very broken and very fragile. 

The boys dropped us off at the hotel and we reseted and did laundry until it was dinner time. *Although, I was still incredibly full from lunch* We went to the school and had a dinner of chicken, banana  flower, and rice. 

Ah Cambodia cuisine. 

I might miss you. 

We talked with Sokhom about his experiences in prison during Pol Pot's reign. It's so incredible to go and see all of this and then talk to a someone who witnessed it firsthand. It's unreal. 

After dinner we headed back and now it's time for bed. I'm up late tonight *it's 9:00* but Sarah is already asleep. 

It was an emotional day.

Kind of like a roller coaster.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

But then again. 

So is life. 

There are evil people.

There is corruption.

There are genocides.

There is war. 

There is brokenness. 

Life is full of peaks and valleys.

But God is present at every peak.

And he's holding your hand in every valley. 

Blessings,

Cassie

Ps Who really cares if it's spelled peak or peek. 

Don't Cry Over Fried Chicken

Wednesday has come and gone.

This morning we learned about asking and giving instructions. 

We learned the different phrases and then I decided to be spontaneous.

As soon the last student put their pencil down, I walked to the door and told them to follow me. Of course, they just looked at me like I was crazy. But I repeated myself and then walked outside. Slowly, but surely, they followed me and we headed out to the road. Once we were conveniently in the middle of the road *traffic just goes around you here* I asked them how to get to the river. Ah ha! Now they understood why their crazy English teacher made them come outside. They had to use their newly learned direction-giving skills and tell me. I repeated this process with different destinations and they passed with flying colors. 

We headed back inside and found out that Sarah's class was making fun of us.

Whatever.

We have more fun. 

So my class learned how to ask, give and receive directions. 

They also learned the definition for field trip.        

We might be taking more of those. 

In between lunch and nap time, we sat in the common area and all talked, laughed, and made fun of each other. I sure do love these people. 

After lunch, it was time to head to the hotel so everyone could rest before the afternoon session at 2:00. All the cars were being used, so that left the tuk tuk...

Don't get me wrong.

I love the tuk tuk. 

It's just kind of hard to jump up in.

Especially with a skirt on.

And short legs. 

So we headed to the tuk tuk and I prepared to jump up without falling as well as not offending anyone. Well. I was able to not offend anyone.

But as for the falling part?

Not so much.

I fell and managed to take the seats down with me. 

It was so embarrassing.

Of course I would break the tuk tuk. 

But everyone had a good laugh and fixed the seat.

No worries, it had just come unhinged. 

Good one Cassie. 

After nap time, I began my afternoon session with a quick pronunciation review as well as a tongue twister. Well it didn't go too well. Everyone was still waking up and no one wanted to participate or talk to me...

So I erased the board and began again. 

I decided to teach them the art of buying and selling and how to communicate while buying and selling. 

Turns out I already taught them that. 

Cool. 

I erased the board. 

Again. 

They told me to write question sentences. 

So I did. 

Then they asked me to explain the difference between whom and who.

I don't even know that!

I googled the differences and tried my best to explain it to them.

They were not understanding.

I was not understanding.

It was not my finest hour. 

I let them go on and break. 

And I had break down at the kitchen table. 

I can't teach English! 

I can't teach them everything!

I can't come up with lessons!

I was overwhelmed. 

Sarah listened to me vent and then whipped out Jesus Calling.

Bless her. 

It said:

"Stay calmly conscious of Me today, no matter what. Remember that I go before you as well as with you into the day. Nothing takes Me by surprise. I will not allow circumstances to overwhelm you so long as you look to Me. I will help you cope with whatever the moment presents. Collaborating with Me brings blessings that far outweigh all your troubles. Awareness of My Presence contains Joy that can endure all eventualities."

Ah. 

Funny how it always fits. 

So I went back into that classroom fully aware that God's presence contains joy that can endure anything. 

We played hangman for the rest of class. 

You can't learn English in a day.

And sometimes, you just have to rest. 

After class and then our evening class with the children, Sarah and I enjoyed a nice meal of fried chicken and rice. We almost cried when we saw that golden crust on that chicken. It was beautiful. We enjoyed our meal and then headed back to the hotel. 

So no, today was not one full of my finest hours. 

I broke the tuk tuk.

I failed at teaching. 

Like 4 times. 

I was nearly brought to tears at the sight of fried chicken. 

But that's okay. 

Not everyday is full of rainbows and "butterplys."

But we're all learning.

And God is the best teacher around. 

Sweet dreams America.

I love you all,

Cassie 

Sore Faces

Tuesday of week three is over.

Can you believe it?

Week three.

THREE. 

We only have four more here in Cambodia. 

CRAZY.

Today was wonderful.

As usual.

And full of laughter. 

As usual. 

This morning my students wanted to practice having a conversation with me up in front of the class. They wanted to test their newly acquired conversation skills. So one by one *minus 4 super shy students* they came up to the front and we had a conversation. 

They all follow the same pattern and go something like this:

Hello

Hello

What is your name?

My name is ___. And you?

My name is ___. Nice to meet you.

How are you today?

I am fine, thank you. And you?

I am fine, thank you. 

After that, the student will begin to rattle off questions like:

How many members are in your family?

How many brothers and sisters do you have?

How old are you?

What is your job?

What is your favorite sport?

What do you do in your free time?

Where are you from?

Where were you born?

And the list goes on. 

So this is what we were doing today, but my students have gotten a little more confident. They began asking questions like:

How old are you parents?

*sorry mom, I gave them your real age*

What do you like about Cambodia?

Do you like America or Cambodia more?

And so on and so forth.

And then.

Srun asked the question I had been waiting for. 

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

*relationships are big here and everyone is basically either dating or married*

They all laughed and waited for an answer.

Ah. 

I laughed and said no.

He was quick with his next question.

"Why not?"

What was I supposed to do?

I couldn't look like the 19 year old loser that I am.

So I quickly answered:

"I broke up with him."

Now before everyone gets mad at me for lying, I need to clarify something.

When I had a boyfriend in the 8th grade, I was going to break up with him on Tuesday. But someone told him that and I got the breakup phone call from him on Monday night. 

So technically, I did break up with my boyfriend.

Yes.

It was 6 years ago.

But it's the truth.

Plus, they didn't ask when I had a boyfriend.

Or when I broke up with him.

So we all had a good laugh and those questions opened a door. Our conversations now include relationship questions as well. 

It's okay though. I learned all about Sythourn's last relationship and how she broke up with him because he was no longer handsome. *poor guy* Liq has a girlfriend *or potential girlfriend...not sure* and wants to take her to the Angkor Temple this weekend, but he gets shy when girls call him handsome. 

They get very bored with English sometimes.

But they want to talk all about their relationships.

And their relationship problems.

That's one thing that doesn't change between cultures. 

We worked on pronunciation this afternoon and then Selah took us to the store to get more breakfast things. Saturday we have the day off and so Selah is going to take us to see the Killing Fields and to "eat hamburger."

We're excited to finally be tourists.

We had 5 new boys attend our evening English class for the children. They were all so cute and a woman we assumed to be their mother and aunt *they didn't all look like siblings, just a couple* accompanied them. She was so excited to have her boys there and we were so excited to have them. One of the boys had cerebral palsy, but that didn't stop him from actively participating in every moment of our lesson. The new students didn't know the words to the songs, but he was the only one that tried to learn the words and the motions. He wrote down every sentence and repeated every word when I asked them to. The mother was so excited for her son to have this opportunity and she helped him whenever he seemed to be struggling. 

I nearly cried. 

It was such a beautiful demonstration of selfless love. 

The mother wasn't concerned with herself in the least bit. All she cared about was that her son was getting an equal opportunity to learn English. An opportunity to grow and thrive and gain knowledge. It was so apparent that she wants the very best that the world has to offer for her son. 

And can you believe that God has even more love for us than this mother has for her son? It's incredible to think about and I'm sure it will be even harder to imagine when I have my own children.  

Duh.

God loves me unconditionally.

Why was I so worried about having to say that I wasn't in a relationship earlier? 

So Srun.

No, I don't have a boyfriend.

But I'm in a pretty incredible relationship. 

And He loves me more than anything.

Seriously.

Sometimes we get hit in the face by the most obvious things.

But.

You know it's been a good day if your face is sore.

Thank you Lord for sore faces.

And thank you Lord for choosing me to pursue. 

Love you all,

Cassie 

Chicken Hearts and Heart-to-Hearts?

I would like to begin this post with an apology. 

I won't name any names  *cough* *cough* Mother *cough* but it has been brought to my attention that I don't capitalize the word English. 

So I apologize to everyone that I may have offended. 

I will try to be better about that.

Anyways. 

Last night I had my first outing since the poisoning incident on Friday. 

Hooray! 

We went to the school for some dinner and much needed fellowship. As soon as we arrived, the students were coming up and checking on me and asking if I felt better. They kept telling me that they prayed every night for me. 

They are seriously the best.

Srey Nang had a rotisserie chicken and a pot of rice ready for us. 

That chicken was the best thing in the world. 

Yes, it still had the legs, claws, and head on it.

But it tasted like home.

*We let Sythourn eat the head*

We ate and chatted.

Srey Nang said that several of my students were really worried about me and asked if they could help me feel better. They are precious. 

Even if they did they call me the weaker teacher compared to Sarah (since I was the one that got sick). 

Whatever.    

My feelings aren't toooo hurt. 

Our night was full of laughter and I loved every minute of it.

It was so nice to feel cared for. 

Monday rocked.

Although, it was quite hot today.

I seriously have never sweated do much in my life.

Hooray for detoxing though...

Right?

*I'm trying to look on the bright side of things as my sweat is forming puddles at my feet. Too much information? I apologize*

The students requested a unit on health since mine has been such a big deal recently. I gladly agreed and we dove into pain and sickness. Somehow the definitions of sneezing and coughing and headaches turned into the definitions of veins and blood and organs. My lesson over health had suddenly turned into an anatomy lesson. 

At one point they were trying to ask what the difference was between the liver and the lungs. But without knowing the word for liver. Or lung. There was a lot of pointing and demonstrating and broken English involved. Finally, Veesna jumped up and ran out of the room. A few seconds went by and he ran back in with a large spatula. He motioned for me to come over and held it out for me to see. 

Well folks. 

There was an animal's *my guess was chicken* heart and lungs fully intact and lying open on the large spatula. 

You can't have an anatomy lesson without a dissection right?

We finally cleared up the difference between having 1 liver and 2 lungs and concluded our morning session. 

After a load of laundry and nap we headed back to the school for the afternoon session. I decided to teach them more conversation skills by helping them with the idea of "making plans." This was a bit abstract and I'm not sure if anyone had any idea what I was trying to say when I asked them if they were free on Friday. But they were troopers and the 2 hours flew by. 

During our hour and a half break between the afternoon session with the students and then our evening English lesson with the children, I sat in the common room area and just listened to everyone talk. Sometimes I'll be able to pick up words and phrases, but most of the time I have no idea what is being said. And it's okay. 

Sythourn then began to ask me questions about my family and life back in America. He asked if I liked to cook and, when I responded yes, he said I must be a very good daughter. *of course I agreed that I was* He said that in order to be a good daughter or son here, you had to be obedient, cook, clean, avoid laziness, and be respectful. He said that he used to not be a good son. I asked him why and he went on to tell me that he disobeyed, fought, got involved with heroin, stayed in other villages, and never listened to his parents. 

I was shocked. 

Sweet little Sythourn? 

He's only 19 years old. 

But then he said he found God and He told Sythourn to stop doing those things and so he stopped and became a good son. I asked him if his parents were happy with him now. He told me that his mother died and his father remarried 6 years ago. They are all Buddhist and when Sythourn tries to share his faith with them, they agree that it sounds great. But Sythourn said that "they still do not believe.. it is so hard."

We kept talking and pretty soon it was time for me to head back to the classroom with Sarah to meet the children. 

But I will never forget that conversation. 

It was my first heart-to-heart here. 

All of my students have their own story.

It's so easy to group them together, but they are all so different.

Different families.

Different home lives.

Different struggles.

Different pain.

Different stories. 

And the way that they all have their own personal and unique history and relationship with God is my favorite part. 

We all worship the same God. 

The God that created each one of us.

The God that makes flowers bloom.

The God that rescues you from your despair.

The God that pulls you out of a pit.

The God that heals you broken heart.

The God that hears each one of us.

The God that is so in love with each one of us.

This trip has showed me a lot of things that I take for granted back home. 

My relationship with God is absolutely one of them.

Everything seems so much simpler here.

So much clearer. 

Christianity is not the norm here.

This is not the Bible Belt like it is back home. 

They don't have to follow God here.

They choose to.

They absolutely love him and desire that relationship with him.

And God is here and so ready to love them.

It's so real. 

I'm figuring out how to take this home because it's contagious. 

*We learned that word today in our health unit*

Complacency is not really present here and I want that word out of my life back home. 

This teacher is being taught a lot. 

I'm slowly learning.

And it rocks.

As the deer pants for the water

So my souls longs after you

You alone are my heart's desire 

And I long to worship you

You alone are my strength my shield 

To you alone may my spirit yield

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship you

I want you more than gold or silver

Only you can satisfy

You alone are the real joy giver

And the apple of my eye

Amen. 

Blessings,

Cassie