Bittersweet Teeter-Tottering

[Written Friday the 12th]

Our week is over and that means only 9 more days of teaching. 

WHAT. 

My dad said it best today: 

"It seems like its been forever. But also like just yesterday. Weird."

Very true Dad.

It is weird. 

It's weird to think that I only have 19 days left in Cambodia. 

19 days left in the Kingdom of Wonder. 

*Yes that's the official slogan* 

I'm so excited to be home. 

To see my family.

And friends. 

And cat.

And eat American food. 

And sleep in my bed.

And lay out in the sun. 

And do nothing. 

But I'm going to miss Cambodia. 

I don't want to forget the taste of rice. 

Or the constant smell of insence. 

Or the 24/7 sweating.

Or fish sauce.

Or my students. 

Or the cold showers. 

Or all the naked babies. 

Or the the elderly with beautiful, toothless smiles.

Or tuk tuk rides. 

Or getting lost. 

Or how to speak the little Khmer that I know. 

Or Daniel and Cha Keo.

Or the sound of my students worshiping in Khmer. 

Or motorcycles stacked high with vegetables.

Or the smell of durian.

Or the insane traffic. 

The list could go on forever. 

The point is that I don't want to forget this place. 

I don't know what The Lord has planned for my future. 

Will I be back again next summer?

In a few years?

Will I ever return to Cambodia?

Will I see these sweet faces again?

I have absolutely no idea. 

When my students ask if I'm coming back next year or jokingly make comments like "well when you're here next time..." I'm torn. 

I don't know how to respond.

"Maybe."

"We'll see."

Would I come back if given the opportunity?

I love this place and these people more than words can say.

But could I do it all over again?

So this is me saying good night from a teeter-totter.

I cannot wait to be home. 

But I don't want to leave home.   

Love you all,

Cassie 

Find Me Somebody to Hug

Ahh I'm finally catching up in my blogging.

 

Falling behind in my blogging is starting to remind me of my year in cross country in 7th grade. I would always start out with a good pace and it always looked pretty good at the beginning. But then I would fall behind and come in last. Every. Single. Race. And no, that is not an exaggeration. Just ask my mom. 

So three cheers for catching up in my blogging. 

And three cheers for the fact that I am no longer in cross country.

Today is Wednesday and our second day back after our trip.

We requested Tuesday morning off so we could sleep in *until like 8* and then get some laundry done, as well as pay for our first month here in our condo. We got some chores done and then decided to be independent  and attempt to order pizza to have it delivered to the hotel. We researched it and grabbed a flyer off the front desk that advertised free delivery. It was the same restaurant that we ate at in Siem Riep and we knew how the sizes on the menu were deceiving, so we ordered 2 medium cheese pizzas to be delivered to our room. 

We were so proud of our communication skills *yes okay, they did speak English. But it was still hard, okay? Give us some credit* and waited excitedly for our pizza to arrive. 

Well it arrived. 

It. 

As in one pizza. 

Apparently they misunderstood my order of 2 pizzas.

So we did what any pizza-hungry person would do. 

We called and ordered again. 

And yes they knew who we were and asked why were ordering again. 

But guess what.

It was totally worth it. 

We ate every bite. 

After lunch and a quick nap, we were picked up by the tuk tuk to head to school. Cha Keo and Daniel were sitting in the back of the tuk tuk when we walked out of the hotel and they excitedly waved to us. I was so happy to see those sweet little faces. 

We made it to the school and hurried in. Everyone was so excited to see us and we were so excited to be back. My students told me how much they had missed me and I told them the exact same thing. I was so happy to see them all again. We practiced writing general sentences and all of their sentences had something to do with missing me. It was wonderful to feel missed. 

But it's kind of strange for me here sometimes. 

I'm a very affectionate person and I love giving hugs and being hugged and being close to people and just having that physical touch. Do you know what "love languages" are? If you don't, look it up and take the quiz. It's basically the different ways that you show love and the ways in which you feel most loved. Words of affirmation and physical touch are my top two ways to feel and show love. 

But here, there is absolutely no touching. 

It's very new to me. 

And hard. 

I just want to hug everyone and let them know how much I love them. But I can't because I would offend pretty much the entire population. 

So I turn to my other love language: words of affirmation. 

Well slight problem. I can't exactly communicate with them as much as I would like to. I can have really simple and seemingly shallow conversations and ask them how they are doing, but they will always answer "fine and you?" because that's how they've learned to respond in English. It's not their fault, emotions and feelings are just so abstract and so hard to explain. 

How do I speak to their heart?

How do I ask them how they are doing and let them know that I really mean it?

It's so hard. 

But I'm learning. 

I just want somebody to hug you know?

But I'm figuring out how to be more intentional in my relationships and more genuine in my conversations. And hopefully I'm teaching my students how to do the same. 

Tuesday ended and we were happy to get into our normal routine again. 

This morning came pretty early and we headed downstairs to wait for our ride. We made it to the school and I had my cup of coffee. I went into the classroom and began teaching. We talked about asking for favors and what a favor meant. I also explained the different ways you can ask for help. 

The vibes I was getting were not too comforting. 

They were having trouble understanding and they were tired. 

I was upset because I couldn't explain it and I had no idea how to. 

It was frustrating. 

I was discouraged. 

We struggled through some more attempts and then it was finally time for a break. 

I sat at my spot at the kitchen table and was quite upset.

I prayed for guidance.

The break was soon over and I went back in the classroom.

I made them come up and write sentences that were asking for favors. 

They seemed to kind of get it but I still had to attempt to explain a lot. 

The last student came up to the board and began to write.

He isn't too advanced in his English and he really struggles sometimes. He was asking his classmates for help in Khmer and they helped him organize and spell and get the point across. The end sentence was this:

Will you please come back next year and teach English?

Holy cow. 

And then it was all okay again. 

Yes I'm a really bad teacher sometimes.

But I love them so much.

And I am starting to realize that I am loved back.

I guess I don't have to have that many hugs after all.

This afternoon was much better and we worked on pronunciation and played a couple of games. I was encouraged again when Srun returned from his Provence *I hadn't seen him since last Wednesday* and cried out "I miss you so much" when he came into class. 

It will be okay.

Somedays, I can't teach. 

And that's okay.

My relationships are deepening.

And I'm absolutely praising God for that.  

It's 9:43 and Sarah is fast asleep.

I have no idea what I'm teaching tomorrow.

But everyday that I'm here, I'm learning how true Matt. 6:34 is. 

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."

Amen. 

Blessings, 

Cassie 

Beyonce and Crying Behind Closed Doors

[Written Monday the 8th]

Hello friends!

It is currently 10:00 pm on Monday night. 

Late for us, I know. 

Tell me about it. 

We just got home from our vacation weekend in Siem Riep and we are exhausted. The normally 6 hour bus ride ended up taking like 11 hours. Okay so that might be a slight exaggeration, but it definitely took longer than it was supposed to. But we'll come back to that. 

Sunday we woke up and Sharon had Khmer coffee and warm banana bread waiting for us. It was glorious. Our tuk tuk arrived around 7:30 and made our way to Siem Riep Church of Christ for worship that morning. 

It was a pretty small church and the majority of the church was under the age of 12 I think. There is an orphanage nearby that is called Hanna's Hope and there are currently 32 children that live there and the majority of them attend *sit and squirm* church at Siem Riep Church of Christ. They are all so precious and we were able to hold some of these sweet babies during service. Worship was completely in Khmer *by the way, it's pronounced kuh-my* except for a few sentences of apology for it being all in Khmer. It was perfectly fine with us. We're used to having no idea what's going on. 

After service and class, we chatted with the congregation and Sharon introduced us to some wonderful couples. We met the McDonoughs who run a program here in Cambodia called The Ship of Life. Bill McDonough partnered with another man and founded Partners in Progress many years ago. PIP began Ship of Life and it's basically a giant boat that travels up and down the Mekong River and provides healthcare to people who are too poor to afford it. It's an absolutely amazing program and Bill and Marie-Claire are so precious. It was inspiring just hearing them briefly talk about what they do with the ship and for Cambodia's people in general. We also met Dan and Ravy *Rah-vee* Wilson. Dan is American and Ravy was born here in Cambodia. They both attend Sunset International School of Preaching in Lubbock but intend on graduating and moving to Cambodia by 2014. They are over here on an annual visit and are both studying at the Sunset branch here in Phnom Penh. They both care so deeply for the Khmer people and love this country. Before we met them, Mallory and Shanleigh told us all about them and she said it best: As soon as you introduce yourself to Ravy, you're instantly her best friend. And I love people like that. You want an example of people with big hearts, come meet this incredible couple. 

After chatting for a bit Ravy and Dan joined the 6 of us for lunch at The Blue Pumpkin. It was a wonderful lunch and we ended up staying there for another 2 hours just talking and encouraging one another. 

Marie-Claire was going to be leading a Bible study for the women at the church at 3:00 so we decided to surprise her and encourage her by also attending. We tuk tuked *new made up verb that refers to riding in a tuk tuk* back to the church and hid upstairs until she arrived. We tiptoed down the stairs and surprised her. She was so excited and we spread out to sit with the other women there. Of course, all of these women look like they are my sister's age, but most of them end up to be older than me. Marie-Claire taught about right verses wrong and how we know how to tell the difference between what the world is telling us and what God tells us. It was a wonderful lesson *taught in English with a translator* that definitely stepped on some of my toes. 

After the lesson, Ravy was asked to pray in Khmer. She apologized in advance and explained her lack of confidence in her Khmer *she doubts herself, but speaks wonderful Khmer* and then began praying. As she prayed, she started to cry and it was the kind of crying that came straight from the heart. I had no idea what she was saying, but it was beautiful. 

When she was done, we all headed outside to meet our tuk tuk. I hadn't even made it out the door when I was overcome with tears. Like I seriously could not stop crying. I wasn't sobbing, but if I had let myself, I would have right there. I was trying to hide it so people wouldn't think I was super unstable, but Theary quickly ran up to me and asked if I was okay. I tried to explain what was happening the best I could, but I didn't even know where to start. 

People are so beautiful. 

And sometimes I can't handle it.

Ravy spoke straight from her heart.

I had no idea what she was saying.

But it was so pure, and wonderful.

And I love people with big hearts. 

So yeah. Call me emotionally unstable.

At least I'm happy. 

I got my act together pretty quickly and then we hit the tuk tuks to head back to the hotel. We napped for the rest of the afternoon and then Sharon surprised us with tickets to a dinner show at 7:30. We arrived and walked into a giant dinning hall that was lit by lanterns and had super tall ceilings. The stage was huge and was at the front in the center. There were a million wood tables and a HUGE Khmer buffet off to the side. This place was pretty fancy. Theary guided us around the table and explained what different dishes, fruits, and veggies there were and we piled our plates high. We got back to the table and settled in to see the shows. It was such a fun show and we laughed and cheered and sat in awe of all the dancers. We stuffed our faces and then the show was over. 

We tuk tuked back to the hotel and decided to walk over to the night market again to get some much needed exercise after dinner, as well as pick up the last of our souvenirs. We chatted and laughed and had a great time together. We left around 10:00 and as we walked across the bridge, the lights turned off at the market to indicate closing time. We shut that market down, y'all. 

It was so fun. 

The next morning we woke up and Shanleigh, Sarah, and I met Sharon and Theary at a coffee shop they had found earlier that morning. Free wifi and air conditioning enticed us and we sat there for an hour, sipping our coffee and enjoying our social media. We finished our coffee and stalking and walked back to the hotel to pack. We packed and then walked around a corner to a cute little place called Upstairs Cafe. Seriously, it was the cutest thing in the world. We had a wonderful brunch and then met the bus station's shuttle back at our hotel. We picked up some more people and then headed to the bus station. As we were driving, our phone rang and I answered. It was the hotel and apparently they forgot to charge us for 3 nights. We registered *and thought we paid because we gave our credit card number* for 3 nights on their website and then 1 night on a travel website due to lack of room and space and blah blah. So basically a tuk tuk with the manager was racing to meet us at the bus station before our bus left.

It was like some kind of action/horror film that takes place in a foreign country.

We got to the bus station and were ushered over to our bus. The bus that they were telling us to get on did not match the one on our ticket and so Sharon and Theary were trying to figure out if this bus was even going to Phnom Penh and we were trying to keep the men from taking our luggage and putting it on the wrong bus. We were also keeping our eyes peeled for the tuk tuk with the manager on it. Theary tried to get the bus driver to wait for us until the tuk tuk arrived... 

Talk about a high-stress situation. 

We figured out the bus was going to Phnom Penh and our tickets weren't right but it didn't matter. The tuk tuk arrived at the very last second and we rushed him the money and jumped on the bus.

It.

Was.

Insane.

We survived and were on the road in no time. 

The next 6 hours were filled with Khmer music videos that told all about heartbreak and a whole lotta unfaithfulness on the wife's part. We had no idea what the songs were saying, but you could learn a lot by just watching them. Shanleigh and I had a lot of fun commentating and when the whole selection *like 30 or more songs* started over, we knew which ones were our favorite. Surprisingly, there were like 6 songs in English. They included Beyonce, some rap songs, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bieber, and Pitbull. As we sat and watched these familiar songs, I found myself feeling more and more uncomfortable. There was a HUGE difference between the Khmer songs and the English songs. The Khmer culture is extremely different from our culture back home. Girls are always very modest and hardly ever show skin above their knee. There is absolutely no signs of public affection between sexes. Boys can hold hands with other boys and girls can hold hands with other girls in order to show friendship, but there is no hand holding between couples. Not even if you're married. Some of the Khmer music videos were risqué and showed couples almost kissing, but there was always a new scene before they actually kissed. 

Compare that to the minimal clothing, bumping, grinding, and extremely sexual nature of our wonderful American music videos and you find yourself in a very uncomfortable position as an American who is a Christian. 

Me on the bus:

I sat and watched and prayed that it would switch back to the Khmer songs because I was feeling so ashamed. I was embarrassed to be a foreigner on that bus because I did not want to be associated with that behavior. 

Me at home on a normal day:

I love riding in the car with the windows rolled down, blaring all the new music on the radio, and singing at the top of my lungs. I love knowing all the new songs and learning all the lyrics so I can prove to everyone that I know that song and love it. 

Polar opposites huh?

I have never seen our pop culture from the other side and let me tell you, it was an awful experience. Don't get me wrong, I know when songs are not portraying a desirable message and when they are encouraging almost everything that I, as a Christian, am against. But I just tell my conscience to shut up and then go on blaring the song. 

Um what? 

I've always heard people talk about the trashiness and immoral behavior in today's music, but sheesh. It was so clear on that bus. 

And I was so ashamed to be from a society that supports that behavior. 

Please don't misunderstand me or take offense. I absolutely love music and still love music and will continue to love music. And I realize that not every popular song is bad and I'm not trying to hate on modern day artists and musicians. 

I had just never been on the other side before. Now that I'm living in a new culture and have become accustomed to a new way of life, I just see things from a different perspective. And it's a love/hate thing. I love having a new perspective and seeing my life differently. But it's kind of awful at the same time. You get your toes stepped on a lot. And it hurts. 

It rained a lot on the way home.

And when I say a lot, I mean a lotttttt. 

The bus driver started pulling over at different places a long the road and would let random people on our bus. There weren't enough seats so people sat in the aisle and stood by the door, but he would just keep pulling over and offering rides.

This was a very strange concept to me. These people didn't pay for a ticket. These people weren't even on their way to Phnom Penh. But they still kept getting picked up and dropped off along the way. Something like this would never happen in America. The good ol' Citylink has a tight schedule and makes no exceptions. But here I was watching a certain song being applied to real life. 

If our brother's in the road, we will stop and pick him up.

If our sister's in the road, we will stop and pick her up. 

 

You know the one you would always sing in Bible hour and it has those great hand motions? If you don't, just go find any person that was raised in the Church of Christ and have them sing it to you. 

Anyways. 

How cool is it that people actually do that?

People actually stop and pick their brothers and sisters up instead of just singing about it. It's not hard to open a door and let someone in. It's not hard to help someone get out of their own personal downpours. All you have to do is slow down and open the door. It was a really neat experience and I'm so glad I got to see it. 

One more story from our bus adventure. 

NOTE: THIS NEXT STORY IS CENSORED TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH BATHROOMS IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY, PLEASE SKIP AHEAD.

 

I accomplished something great today. 

I used a "squatty potty" for the first time. 

Definition of a Squatty Potty: A hole in the ground that you use as a toilet. 

Yes. 

That is correct. 

Cassie White, queen of hygiene, used a squatty potty at a bus pit stop in the middle of Cambodia. And lived to tell the tale. 

I've been trying to stay super hydrated *because I sweat 24/7* and so that means drinking a TON of water. I had gone through like a liter and a half on the bus and was in dire need of a bathroom. Well we stopped at a pit stop *shack-awning-like structure where people sell questionable food and there is a bathroom* and I made a beeline for the bathroom. The "bathroom" was an outdoor hallway with metal stalls on either side. 

I looked in the first stall... no porcelain. 

I looked in the next stall... no porcelain.

It took me a few more stalls to realize that there were no white, shiny commodes in the vicinity. That's when I realized it was do or die. So I stepped in and didn't look back. Or down. 

I won't go into too much detail, but it was the most disgusting experience of my life. A couple of tears may have been shed. *hence the blog title: ...Crying Behind Closed Doors* And I used basically my whole bottle of hand sanitizer. 

I walked out and the girls were standing outside the hallway clapping for me. It was a big deal. And I was proud. 

We finally made it home and Theary made sure our tuk tuk driver knew exactly where he was going so we wouldn't get lost. Again. We said our goodbyes and made our way back to the hotel. 

We arrived safely and now here we are. 

Home sweet home. 

This weekend was an absolute blessing. From the beautiful fellowship, to the new friends that we met in Siem Riep, to the relaxation, and to the new, eye-opening experiences.. it was all wonderful. I'm so grateful for Sharon, Theary, Mallory, Shanleigh and Sarah. And I'm so grateful for new experiences and even bigger eyes. 

I don't know how many more eye-opening experiences I can have though... my eyes are getting pretty big. 

Just kidding.  

I'm loving the fact that my eyes are opened daily. 

Love you all so so SO much,

Cassie

Roots

Friday and Saturday in Siem Riep have come and gone.

And have both been wonderful days.

Friday morning, we woke up and headed downstairs to meet for breakfast. Well apparently our guesthouse's cook was busy... so no breakfast. We headed down the street and decided to grab breakfast at a pastry shop called Blue Pumpkin. It's a chain here in Cambodia and it is delicious. We had quiche and toast and fruit and eggs and lots of water and Khmer coffee of course. Then Sharon headed back to the hotel *she was still recovering from being sick last week* and we took a tuk tuk with Theary to the Cambodian Cultural Village. 

Once we got there, we explored the village and took MANY pictures of ourselves and the different displays. Then we watched a traditional Khmer dance and story telling program. After that we explored some more, shot some arrows at an archery station, and then headed over to another pavillion to watch a traditional Khmer wedding ceremony. And guess what. mallory was selected, out of the audience, *we draw attention to ourselves due to our skin color* to be the groom's mother. 

It was HILARIOUS.

She had to sit up on stage with the whole wedding party, the couple, the other parents, and the officiator *I don't think that's a word* person. Then she had to participate in the blessing of the couple, as well as the couple's "first dance." It was so funny and we laughed right a long with the crowd. 

After that show we still have 5 more hours of optional shows.. but we were exhausted. The heat wears you out completely here. 

We felt bad about leaving, but we were at that point where everyone was irritable and ready to lie down. So we headed back to the hotel and napped for 4 hours. 

After nap time we made our way down to the river and to a pizza joint and then next door for ice cream after. It was so wonderful. After dinner and dessert, we walked across the river *by bridge of course* and shopped for a long time in the night market. It was so fun! 

Plus all my souvenirs are now taken care of. 

Annnnd I've gotten pretty good at haggling. 

After the night market, we went back to the hotel and hit the hay. The next day was going to beat us down if we weren't careful. 

We all woke up around 4:15 am Saturday and made it downstairs by 4:35. We hopped in the tuk tuk and drove out to the Angkor Wat Temple complex. We *along with the rest of the world* made it to the front of Angkor Wat just as the sun was beginning to rise. The scene was breathtaking and everyone was scrambling to get the best shot with their camera. Listening to all of the accents was so fun and so humbling. I am so small and the world is so big. It's crazy.

After sunrise we set off to explore the actual temple of Angkor Wat. We explored for a long time and took a lot of pictures. After about and two hours, we made our way to some little shops and food carts by the front gate. We shared fried rice and fruit at 7:30 am and it was delicious. 

Once we were rejuvenated, we got back in the tuk tuk and rode to another temple in the complex. This one was called Bayon and is famous for it's huge faces carved into the rock. We explored, took a ton of pictures, and weaved in and out of tour groups. 

Once we were done, we waited for our tuk tuk driver by the gate of Bayon. 

That's when the monkeys came. 

It's so weird to see monkey's strolling along.

Not in a cage. 

It's kinda scary.

Especially because they are not afraid to steal food *or anything that resembles food* right out of your hands. This was demonstrated when Mallory opened her peanut butter crackers and a monkey jumped on her back in a attempt to grab the crackers. 

Monkey's are aggressive.

And their aggression is real.

Our tuk tuk driver finally showed up and we headed to the last temple that we had on our list. *I maybe making it seem like we rushed through the temples, but we didn't at all* The temple is called Tom Prong *I might have spelled that wrong* and it's one of the most famous ones. I'm sure you've seen pictures of it. It's the temple that is being eaten by trees basically. It was also where part of Tomb Raider *one word?* was filmed. 

And it was my favorite. 

The roots are basically engulfing this temple.  

I took a million pictures *see link to the right or my facebook* and loved the contrast between the dark stone, the green moss, and the tree roots. It was breathtaking. 

We spent a long time there and then decided to head back and rest from our long day. We stopped for lunch and then made it back to our comfy beds and had a nice long nap. After resting, we made our way back to the night market and participated in our very first fish pedicure. 

You know.

The tubs of water that have a million little fish swimming around and you stick your feet in there and they all swarm to your feet and eat the dead skin off?

Yeah.

That's the one. 

It was $2 for 15 minutes.

And it was crazy.

It was the weirdest feeling ever and I can't describe it. 

We laughed and squealed the whole time.

Then we headed inside and got a foot massage, back massage, and pedicure.

All for $5. 

I love the prices here.

We shopped around some more and further depleted our money supply. We realized it was 9:00 pm and decided that we should eat dinner so we stopped at a food truck that made gyros. They were AMAZING and I probably could have eaten 15. 

Seriously.

We made it back to the hotel and somehow climbed the stairs to our room. Exhaustion took over and climbing into bed never felt so good. 

As I was observing the temples today, I had a revelation.

Surprise right?

I can't move mountains. 

I cannot physically push a mountain 3 feet to left.

I can't wake up and change the world.

I can't go to a different country and change it all. 

But.

I can wake up and pray for wisdom. I can ask for and grow in a faith that can move mountains. I can ask for patience and gentleness. I can go to a different country and show people how much God loves them. I can be one small light. 

And that is enough.

I am enough.

The point is that I can't do anything by myself. 

But when I ask for help, pray for guidance, and accept direction, that's when things begin to happen. That's when mountains start moving.

That's when walls fall down. 

I thought I could go out and change the world. 

That's always been my goal.

I wanted to be able to say:

Look at me! 

I changed the world!

Wrong. 

I can go out. 

I can be used as a vessel.

I can be used to make a difference.

But it's not my doing.

It's not about me at all. 

God changes the world by using His people. 

God illuminates the darkness through His children.

God moves mountains.

And he crumbles temples. 

Man can build beautiful things.

Kingdoms.

Empires.

Temples.

Man can also build himself up.

I am great.

I am rich.

I am successful.

I am God.

Well guess what folks.

Our God is greater.

Buildings weather away.

Roots destroy temples.

And He tears down.

He will humble you so fast, it isn't even funny.

Nothing lasts in this world. 

So all that to say.

I can't change the world by myself.

I shouldn't want to. 

But God can absolutely use me.

Yes, the temples were pretty awesome today.

But God is greater. 

He has revealed himself throughout history. 

He was present then.

He shows up daily.

And He will provide forever. 

Want proof?

Just look at the roots. 

And yes, that was in reference to the temples as well as history.

Love you guys and gals,

Cassie 

The Good, The Bad, The Durian

I would like to just give Sarah full credit for the clever title of this post. I told her I would. So here it is Sarah. You're so clever sometimes. 

Again, I am so sorry about the time I have let pass. Life is crazy here in Cambodia and the wifi is even crazier. So please forgive me and keep reading. 

Thursday was a day full of excitement.

The good kind and the bad kind.  

We asked for Thursday off *upon Sharon's request* so that we could run errands and prep for our trip. We also thought it would be easier to all leave from the same spot in order to avoid miscommunications and tuk tuk drivers that say they know where there going but actually have no idea. Which is a common occurrence here. 

We planned to sleep in and leave the hotel *by tuk tuk* at 9:00 am to meet Shanleigh and Mallory at the Russian Market, which is within walking distance of their apartment. 

So we woke up, facetimed our families, and then had the hotel call us a tuk tuk. The driver showed up and the receptionist told him to take us to the Russian Market. We decided on a price and then hit the road. The trip was great and we started to see some familiar sites from our drives around town. We called Shanleigh and told her that we were getting closer and so she left the apartment and headed our way. Our tuk tuk driver got a tad turned around and asked us something in Khmer and we just kept repeating Russian Market. He nodded and kept driving. Then he pulled up next to another tuk tuk driver and started talking to him in Khmer. The other driver gave him directions and then we were on our way again. We finally got to the market, paid, and then jumped out. 

All the markets are the same. Huge sheets of metal arounnd the outside and then a maze of stalls on the inside. We jumped out and just picked an entrance. We called Shanleigh and asked where she was. She said she was on her way still but that she would meet us at the produce area of the market. So we wandered around the maze... I mean market. *Please keep in mind that we both had our purses and traveling bags with us... It was a nightmare squeezing between people and weaving in and between the stalls* 

Nothing was looking familiar but everything looked the same.

We were getting frustrated. 

We finally made it to a meat and produce section but it didn't look like the one that we had been to the other day. It smelled really really REALLY bad 

and it was hot 

and there were so many people 

and the fish were flopping on the tables 

and the floor was covered in an unknown liquid 

and I brushed up against a giant pig head.

We called Shanleigh and told her that we were there, she described the location that she was at and we concluded that we were at opposite sides of the market. 

So Sarah and I went back in. 

We got to the other side and called her. 

Still in the wrong place. 

This happened a few more times. 

For about thirty more minutes.

We then concluded that we were at the wrong market. 

Sarah and I staggered across the street.

We asked around and found out the name of the market and relayed it to Shanleigh who then told Sharon who then looked it up. Sharon picked up Shanleigh and they began their search for us. 

As we stood and waited, we declined many tuk tuk offers and had many conversations about how we were not going to the airport even though we had bags. Quite a while went by and there was no sign of Sharon and Shanleigh. Then they called... 

Guess what.

They couldn't find the market. 

So we hailed a tuk tuk and handed the phone to our driver. Sharon then told him how to get to the Russian Market and then we headed that way. We reached a corner where we had all bought bananas together so we quickly called out "chop chop chop!" *stop* We paid and hopped out. Once we were out we called Sharon and told her that we were at the banana corner and Shanleigh knew exactly where to go. 

PRAISE THE LORD.

They told us to wait there and they would be there pronto. So Sarah and I moved out of the way of pedestrian traffic and waited for them to arrive. As we were standing, a man called out to us and offered a place next to him on the bench by his fruit stand. We gladly accepted and sat down. I began talking with him and we talked about where I was from and how long I had been in Cambodia and what I was doing in Cambodia for so long. He asked about Texas and the weather and where we were headed with all of our luggage. The car finally drove up and I thanked him for his generosity and kindness. 

Have I mentioned how many beautiful there are here in Cambodia?

We piled into the car and sighed.

Relief at last.

The rest of our day was wonderful. Theary *the Welch's adopted Cambodian daughter* taught us how to make spring rolls and stir fried vegetables. We had a wonderful lunch at the Welch's house and then relaxed for a bit. We then decided to walk down to a local coffee shop called Jars of Clay and kill some time. It's an adorable coffee shop that appeals mainly to Westerners. It's a Christian run shop and they employ women that have escaped from sex trafficking. 

After our coffee break we prepared to leave for the bus station. We were quite a sight. All 6 of us walking down the street with our suitcases. We drew a few crowds.  

We made it to the bus station and boarded our bus. 

Then we took off at 5:30 for our 6 hour bus ride. 

Y'all.

A 6 hour bus ride in a third world country is not on my list of favorite things. I don't mean to sound entitled or like I'm too good for a bus ride, but I suffer from extreme motion-sickness and these roads are not my friend. I even over-dosed on motion-sickness pills and was still miserable.

It was so bad. 

Those 6 hours are a blur. 

There was Khmer music videos playing at max volume the whole time. 

The bus driver honked the entire time.

The lights kept going on and off.

The air kept going on and off. 

It felt like I was on a roller coaster. 

And it smelled awful.

Quick side note:

I'm a big smell person. 

I have a strong sense of smell.

I also have strong gag reflexes. 

These do not always get along. 

Especially here in Phnom Penh. 

But I have this really great defense. For as long as I can remember, I have been able to block off my nasal passages and therefore, avoiding smelling and or tasting something undesirable. It's a really great feature and I appreciate my body for being able to do that. 

Anyways, sometimes it's really hard to walk or ride in a tuk tuk down the street because the smells are so strong. 

The open markets are really hard because they are always swarming with people that are hot and sticky and pushing each other around. Plus you have the smell of raw fish and meat and fruits and veggies and seafood and everything else. When you watch a movie that involves picturesque open markets, you don't really think about what it all smells like. And let me tell ya, if you did... Hollywood would lose some money. 

It's real.

Here are some distinct Smells of Cambodia:

Incense

Burning trash

Raw meat

Garbage

Cows

Filth

Perfume

Exhaust

Body oder

and last but not least...

Durian. *it's the worst smelling fruit and it is typically illegal to take it into enclosed places... look it up*

So. Yeah. 

Sometimes it's not toooo pleasant. 

That bus was full of all the smells of Cambodia.

And I wasn't too thrilled. 

Neither was my stomach.

Poor Sarah. 

She always has to deal with me. 

But like always, she was the best caretaker. 

She checked on me.

She talked to me.

She gave me her neck pillow. 

She monitored my medicine intake. 

She rocks. 

6 hours later.

I was still alive. 

We all piled in a tuk tuk and made our way to the hotel.

We arrived, unloaded, and went to bed. 

Phew. 

It was a crazy, whirlwind of a day. 

It was filled with good times.

It was filled with not so good times.

And it was filled with the lovely smell of durian. 

And yes, that was me being sarcastic. 

I'm so glad I get to have so many adventures.

Even if they aren't too fun.

They make for great stories. 

Blessings,

Cassie

Watermelon Stains

Hello friends! 

I noticed that a lot of my posts have to do with food...

I would apologize, but Sarah and I just really miss food. 

Sarah has been having dreams of cheese. 

That's how real it is. 

It's already Wednesday and technically our Friday. 

We are heading to Siem Riep tomorrow! 

We will be gone the 4th-8th and we are so excited. 

Sharon is taking us to Angkor Wat which *in a very short-nutshell-version* is an ancient temple that was discovered. Look it up on the internet right now... 

Seriously.

Do it.

Pretty cool huh?

So we'll spend a couple of days at the temples and then do tourist things around the town. Sharon even said we may get to experience a fish pedicure. You know those pedicures where the little fish eat the dead skin off your feet? It's equally intriguing, disgusting, and exciting to me. I can't wait. 

I'm so excited for our mini vacation. 

I feel bad about leaving the school and my students, but we won't be gone long. Plus, they are probably so tired of me trying to teach. 

Oh well. 

The school days have been pretty routine. 

Coffee

Teach

Laugh

Break

Help prepare lunch

Laugh

Teach

Eat lunch

Break

Nap

Teach

Laugh

Break

Laugh

Teach

Done with students

Break

Teach children

Laugh

Eat dinner

Sleep

Laugh

*Sarah says I laugh in my sleep... Go figure*

I need to explain about the school really fast, I've seemed to leave y'all in the dark about that. Sokhom picks two promising boys *well young men I guess* from each Province *village* and they come and train at the school. They live on the second floor of the school for 3 years, study bible, some attend the university, and then they graduate from the preaching school. Once they graduate, they head back to their Province and start a church and become the preacher there. It's a really neat system and helps these boys stay out of bad situations that they may get involved with back in their villages. The boys' ages range from 17 *the absolute youngest* to mid-20's. They can go and see their families, but only for days at a time. No worries though, it's not like they are prisoners here. They all call Srey Nang "sister" and everyone is family here. 

Last night we got to talk to Sokhom for a long time. We talked about his family and his history. He told us how this place got started and how crazy it still is to him. He never imagined that he would be training preachers and running a school. But he knows how great God is and how His plan trumps all of ours. I asked about Chen and why he was only 17 while everyone else is in their 20's. Sokhom told us that he was in the states for awhile and needed Tolah and Srey Nang to do some recruiting in the villages for new students until he got back. Well they ended up recruiting 16 year old Chen who said he was 18 at the time. *the age required to go to the school* When Sokhom got back, Chen told him the truth and said he had lied because he didn't think they would accept him. He was an orphan and was being abused by his aunt. He didn't know how to read very well and just needed a way out. Sokhom gave it to him and now my life has been absolutely blessed by Chen. He is such a good student and he makes me laugh pretty much all the time. I had no idea where he had been in life. It's incredible and heartbreaking learning the students' stories. But so encouraging to see how far they've come. 

I love them all so much.

Today, Srey Nang bought a whole rice sack *they'e huge* filled with watermelons and during one of the breaks, the students cut them up. We all shared the wonderful summer fruit and visited. I got watermelon juice all over my white t-shirt and ran to the sink to wash it out. As I was attempting to wash it out, *and failing at it* I started thinking about my friends here and the relationships that I'm building. 

Will they remember me? Will they laugh when they think about our language confusion and me attempting to speak Khmer? Will they keep studying and learning more and more English? Will I be replaced with another teacher? A better teacher? Was I good enough? Did they even learn anything? 

I kept scrubbing and scrubbing my shirt and wondering if I've had any sort of impact on them. I wondered if I was leaving a stain here in Cambodia. 

It's not about you.

BAM

Slap in the face. 

*surprise*

I can never seem to escape my *selfish* need to be hero.

Who cares if they remember me.

Who cares if a better teacher comes.

*I hope one does* 

Who cares if they like him/her more. 

It's not about the difference I'm making.

It's not about how great I am.  

It's all about God and how great he is.

It's about whether or not I was able to show them Jesus. 

It's about whether or not they were able to feel how much God loves them. 

I pray that they know how much they are loved and cherished. 

Because I sure love them a lot. 

And I know God loves them so much more. 

 

I can't believe that this is almost all over. 

It seems like we just got here. 

It's going to be bittersweet going home, that's for sure. 

But I'll keep my watermelon stains on my shirt. 

And my new friends in my heart. 

I pray that I'm being the hands and feet of Jesus.

And I pray that my boys feel absolutely loved.  

Love you all,

Cassie 

Truen Luig Knyome Luang

It's the middle of our Monday and the middle of our first day of our fourth week. I can't believe it's July 1st. In 8 days, Sarah and I will have been here for a month.. WHAT?

It's crazy that we live here. 

Yesterday was an absolutely glorious day. 

And yes, I'll tell you all about it. 

We got picked up for church and arrived at the school a little before service started. We visited with everyone and with the children. We were expecting to be teaching the children again, but Srey Nang told us that Chanty was teaching them so that we could worship with our friends that were coming. 

Mallory and Shanleigh were coming to church! 

WE WERE ECSTATIC.

Mallory and Shanleigh are friends from ACU that are also in the WorldWide Witness program. They were in class with Sarah and I and are also working here in Phnom Penh this summer. They are working with Dennis and Sharon Welch who run the SNACK program, which is a program takes food out into the villages and feeds the children healthy and vitamin-rich foods that help reduce malnutrition. *I think that's a run-on sentence, but I don't care* We haven't been able to see them at all because our schedules are crazy and traffic is crazy and life is crazy. You know. So we were so happy to know that they were coming to church. 

It was a glorious reunion and we were able to meet Sharon and Dennis, as well as their adopted daughter, Theary. *Teary* 

We worshiped *in Khmer* and heard Sokhom preach. Dennis was even invited to finish Sokhom's sermon so he stepped up and preached as well. It was so fun to see my students leading singing, prayers, and communion. But the best part was when Srun began passing out the little yellow songbooks that are full of English worship songs. He got to me and whispered "Amazing Grace" excitedly. Then, with all that they had, they began singing Amazing Grace in English. 

Y'all. 

I almost cried right there next to Srey Nang. 

I taught them the words to the song last week and now they were singing it during church. We went through all the verses. 

No, it was not done in perfect English.

But it was sung absolutely from the heart.

It was beautiful. 

*Proud teacher moment* 

We finished service and then chatted with everyone, made introductions, and caught up with Mallory and Shanleigh. Then we headed to lunch with Dennis, Sharon, Theary, and the girls. We stopped by the bus station on the way to the restaurant and bought our bus tickets for our trip this weekend. *Sarah and I are going with Sharon, Theary, Mallory, and Shanleigh to a town called Siem Riep for the weekend* Then we went to the restaurant that they had picked for us to try. It was a vegetarian restaurant that served food made completely out of mushrooms. It was very interesting and very delicious. They have a million different kinds of mushrooms here and some taste like different meats. Yes it's weird. But it was so good! We had some fried ones that tasted like chicken. We had a "hamburger," as well as fried rice with mushrooms and noodles with mushrooms. We drank Khmer tea and iced coffee with milk. *remember it's made with sweetened condensed milk* It was a delicious lunch and we enjoyed getting to know Sharon, Dennis, and Theary better. They asked us our favorite, least favorite, and most surprising/most unprepared for things since we've been here. Those were hard questions but I immediately knew my favorite part: my students. I love the relationships that I'm making and I love learning *even though it's the hardest part* how to speak to their hearts. I didn't really have a least favorite, except maybe the fact that I get sick a lot. My stomach just can't handle all the flavors here. The most surprising thing was definitely those first 3 days... I was so homesick and I was completely unprepared. In all my preparation for this trip, I hadn't even thought about homesickness. But I learned how to change my outlook early on, so that has been wonderful. Yes, I miss my family. And my friends. And my bed. And my cat. But I'll see them soon. Until then, I'm completely Khmer.

They told us about their struggles and victories in moving here and learning how to minister to these people. 

It was a great lunch and soon it was time to go. They took us to Mallory and Shanleigh's apartment and we said goodbye. We climbed a million flights of stairs and finally reached their apartment. *the higher you live, the wealthier you are* We were given a quick tour, changed out of our church clothes, and then headed back down the millions of stairs. We reached the street and they showed us around their neighborhood and led us to the Russian Market. The Russian Market is a HUGE maze thing that is covered *kind of under a huge tent* and is full of vendors that sell everything. Clothes, shoes, food, bags, jewelry, furniture... everything. We shopped around and they taught Sarah and I the art of haggling. I was to scared to try it yesterday, but someday I'll be able to be assertive. Until then, thanks girls for helping us not pay over $5 for anything. 

After the Russian Market, we wandered the streets and tried different food from food carts. We had grilled bananas and some kind of baked crepe thing that tasted like a fortune cookie. We had so much fun just wandering around and looking like idiots taking pictures of ourselves. We finally made it back to their apartment and our gracious hostesses made us all smoothies to help us cool off. We all sat and talked for a long time. It was so wonderful to just talk about our experiences and share stories. You don't realize how much you miss having stuff in common with people. 

Once it started to get closer to dinner time, we walked out to the street and hopped on a tuk tuk that was riverside-bound. We got to the riverside *even though there was a torrential downpour* and found the restaurant we wanted to eat at. It was called Viva and it served Mexican and Khmer food. 

It was heavenly. 

You never know what you have until it's gone. 

And let me tell you... 

I now know that I'm in love with Mexican food. 

After dinner *and the rainstorm* we walked down the street and past a million restaurants and little shops. On the other side of the insanely busy road, is the river and a huge park area that runs the length of the river. There were thousands and thousands of people out and enjoying the cool weather and beautiful sunset. We walked through the Night Market which is exactly like the Russian Market, except that it's only open at night and it's all open. After the Night Market, we *very carefully and very quickly* crossed the street and ended up in the park area. There were people everywhere and so many things going on. My favorite evening activity that was taking place, was the evening aerobics class. There was a man leading it and a ton of women, all wearing red, following his every move. It was hilarious and Mallory and I joined in for a moment. 

We kept walking and talking until we reached their favorite ice cream shop called "Toto's." It was definitely designed to appeal to Westerners, and believe me, it appealed to me. It was all white and robin's egg blue inside. The seat cushions were robin's egg blue and polka dots and the lampshades had pastel teapots all over them. It was seriously the cutest little ice cream parlor. We sampled a bunch of kinds, including mangosteen, *my favorite Cambodian fruit* and finally decided on a variety of flavors. I had a scoop of strawberry sorbet, Sarah had tiramisu *sorry if that's spelled wrong* and coffee almond, Shanleigh had coconut and jackfruit, and Mallory had coffee and chocolate. We talked about our thoughts on being here and shared more experiences, victories, and struggles. 

After the ice cream, we said goodbye and hopped on our separate tuk tuks.  

It was seriously the best day ever. 

We kept talking about community and how desperately it's needed by people. We take it for granted back in the states, but it's such a necessary part of life. It's so comforting to know you have people that care about you and have experienced the same things you have and have struggled with the same things you have. 

We got lost on our tuk tuk ride back, but it's okay. We survived and made it home around 8:30.

Our day was full of community and it was absolutely wonderful. 

This morning came entirely too early, but we woke up and made it downstairs by 6:35 so we could FaceTime with our families for an hour. It was so wonderful to get to see and talk with them. Veesna arrived with the tuk tuk and we headed to school. 

We reviewed and then learned more vocabulary words this morning. It was an interesting experience *no surprise there* but we made it through 2 hours and learned 6 new words.

 

Limb

Complete

Frequently

Mock

Earn

Ignore  

We had lunch at 10:15 and then sat and visited with everyone. Sythourn brought his guitar *after we requested him to* and songbook down and put on a concert for us. He played a lot of worship songs in Khmer and I recognized a couple of the tunes. Then he played "You Raise Me Up" and sang it in Khmer. 

It was beautiful. 

As he sang, I looked around at all of my new friends and thought about all my friends at home. I thought about my community in Abilene and my Cambodian community. 

I am so blessed. 

I am completely surrounded by people that love me and raise me up daily. 

I am completely surrounded by incredibly beautiful people.

As he sang "truen luig knyome luang"

I thanked God for all the people in my life and for their ability to raise me up. 

So if you're reading this, thank you. 

Truen luig kynome luang.

You raise me up. 

Love you all SO much,

Cassie