See You Latter

So I've spent the last couple of weeks writing and rewriting and agonizing over my last few blog posts. Every time someone would mention something about my blog, I'd cringe and make some comment along the lines of "I know, I know, I still have like 5 more posts to do..." or something like "I'm so behind..." And tonight I came to a realization.

So what?

Why on Earth am I treating it like a burden?

Anyways, sorry for that 2 week-long break.
I just had to get over myself.

Here we go.

I'm home.
Y'all I'm home.

Saying goodbye was absolutely awful.
I wasn't prepared for that feeling in the pit of my stomach. That feeling that reminded me that this might be the last time I see these beautiful faces. Yes, there were many tears as I hugged Srey Nang and told the boys how much they meant to me. Yes, there were tears as Tolah drove Sarah and I to the airport Wednesday morning. And yes, there are a couple on my cheek right now.

The boys flooded Sarah and I with encouragement, well-wishes, letters, compliments, and prayers. As I sat at the school on Tuesday night, I looked around at all of my new friends. I studied each face to make sure it was forever engraved in my memory and listened as they sang "Amazing Grace" in English. And with all of their heart.

I listened and reflected on each word.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

When this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

This trip has been incredible. I was able to rediscover God in every aspect and moment of my life. My eyes have been opened; I can see. It was hard. I was scared. But God took care of everyone of those fears. I was blessed when I felt so distant from everything dear to me. It was then that I was able to feel the embrace of the One most dear to me. God reveled himself to me daily. Through my students, at the whiteboard, and even in the afternoon monsoons. He has kept me safe and secure and he will continue to do so until I reach home in Texas and then home in Heaven. He'll lead me home. His word became so clear this summer. I felt secure. I was blessed as I became content with who I am-no more, no less. I'm discovering myself to be a proud owner of everything that can't be bought. This joy and comfort and dependency and absolute love cannot be bought. No way Jose. My body will fail. People will let me down. I will disappoint people. But God will never let me down. I have my whole life and then forever to praise him. And I cannot wait.

I don't know why I'm so in love with such a dirty and broken country.
It might have something to do with the fact that Cambodia kind of reminds me of us.
We are dirty.
We are broken.
And God is so in love with us.



I can't believe it's over.
I'm so grateful to have something that makes saying goodbye so difficult.
My love for these people and this country is incredible and something I will cherish forever. I was shown God's love in a whole new way and I am absolutely grateful for the opportunity.

It's so funny how God is present in every aspect of your life.
Words are incredibly important to me. They are how I show and feel love. Isn't it funny how God planned on my summer being full of words? Who knew I would be teaching English right? I sure didn't, but I know He did that just so I could be reminded of how much He ADORES me. Everyday was bursting with English words, Khmer words, vocabulary words, scripture, encouragement, yes even miscommunications, words of life.. My cup is overflowing y'all.

Thank you for keeping up with me and genuinely caring about my sanity, safety, well-being, happiness, growth, and everything else you worried about. I thank you immensely for the encouragement and comments on posts and emails and Facebook messages. I felt the prayers and relied on your support. I appreciate you all putting up with my blog and all of the ranting, rabbit trails, dramatic nature, and my sometimes diva-attitude. I love you all and couldn't have done it without you.

Below is the list that I have been adding to throughout the summer. Some are serious and some are just stupid. They are basically just summaries of my previous blogposts and I hope you enjoy reading them. I also typed the letter that I received from my student, Srun. I typed it exactly how it was written *spelling and all* but I will decipher it for you. No worries.

Things I learned in Cambodia. 


Hospitality isn't judged on how great your dinner parties are: I've grown up thinking that when the Bible talked about being hospitable, it was talking about how you need to let people sleep on your couch when they were in town and without a place to stay. Or that you needed to have people over 3-4 out of the 7 nights in the week. Or that people could tell how hospitable you were by the extravagance of your dinner parties on the back patio. Well guess what folks. That's not how it works at all. I've been taught that hospitality is all about making someone feel at home. It's about making someone feel like they are loved. I was shown genuine hospitality through the constant invitation into people's homes, huts, shacks, or even just on their mat with them. Even though they may not have even had enough, I was constantly offered food or water or the shade from the hot sun. I was humbled by hospitality daily.

If your tuk tuk driver tells you he knows where he's going, there is a 92% chance that he's lying: People in Phnom Penh are really bad with directions and so the tuk tuk drivers rarely know how to get places. If you tell them you want to go somewhere and they say they can take you there, they probably have no idea where they're going and will then proceed to drive you around for an hour hoping you'll yell "CHOP" *stop* and hop out and pay him. It was always an adventure. 

Sour Soup is not your friend: Simple as that. It's gross.

God picks the most unqualified so you have to depend on him: I had no idea what I was doing and I had no one to tell me how to do it. I had to lean COMPLETELY on God. My whiteboard prayers and God's obvious arrival became daily.

Fish sauce is in everything and only smells bad when it's being cooked: Fish sauce is basically liquid fermented fish and Cambodia loves fish sauce. Seriously. It's in everything. While it's cooking, you want to die. But if it's cooked into something, it's delicious *usually* and you're shocked. We kinda have a love-hate relationship.  

Makeup-free living rocks: No makeup is the way to go.  

Sweat is a friend and should be appreciated: I have never had sweat literally dripping down me, but Cambodia-life is different and dripping sweat is a daily occurrence. I've been told that it detoxifies you and makes you healthier and blah blah. So three cheers for my new friend, sweat.  

Afternoon storms are a wonderful blessing and cool you off tremendously: It is hot hot HOT and rain makes everything better. And it's fun to go run and dance in. Simple as that. 

Don't eat the ice: If it has holes in it, *like an ice cube* it's safe. If it's crushed, RUN AWAY. Or prepare to be throwing up and in bed for 3 days. 

Students teach the teacher about 98% of the time: I like to think that I taught them like 2% of the time, but go back and read some previous posts. I'm pretty sure they taught me more about life than I taught them about English. Coconuts are not sweet on the inside: If they're green and straight off the tree, don't drink it. Seriously. It's like salty water. 

Khmer coffee is DELICIOUS: The coffee itself has this nutty kind of taste and then they pour an INSANE amount of sweetened condensed milk in and stir it up. You can get it hot or cold and from almost any street vendor or coffee shop. And it's heavenly. Just ask for coffee with milk and be prepared to fall in love.  

Air conditioning is a gift. Don't take it for granted: No one has an air conditioner in Cambodia. Seriously. It's too expensive and kind of impractical because it would be on all day, everyday and at full-blast. Plus, everyone has adapted to the warm climate and gets cold with the air conditioner. So being back in America has been a real treat. I actually get a little cold in my house now.

When you're singing from the heart, no one cares if you sound awful: No matter how many times I said no... No matter how many times I told my boys that I didn't sing... I always ended up singing worship songs for them as they tried to learn them. But you know what? They may have laughed and made fun of me when I couldn't hit the high notes, but they came back the next day singing it at the top of their lungs. Then I would sing off-key and they would sing with broken English. And guess what. It was always a beautiful sound y'all.

The Khmer kiss is not a kiss at all: Okay. Grab a friend. Purse your lips a tiny bit. Put your nose against their cheek. And sniff them really fast and kind of hard. Yes. You read that right. That is a Khmer kiss. Sarah and I thought people just really liked smelling babies here in Cambodia but then we found out that they were kissing them. Neat huh? So go and Khmer kiss all your friends, you'll give em quite a jump.   

He makes beautiful things: I struggled a lot with body image this summer due mainly to the fact that all Khmer people are TINY. But I was reminded everyday of how beautiful I really am. I was reminded everyday of how beautiful we all are. As I reflect on my time in Cambodia, I have come to the conclusion that all I want is for my heart and my passions to be the most beautiful thing about me.

Drink water whenever you can and always take free water: The water is not clean here and so water bottles are the norm when it comes to your daily drinking of water. Since you can't guarantee you'll be somewhere with clean water, always fill up your water bottles when you come across a water filter. And always take free water bottles. Hoarding water bottles is not a bad thing y'all.

Cold showers are underrated: It was just wayyyy too hot for a hot shower. I now love cold showers. Plus, cold showers are better for your hair. So save your locks and enjoy a nice chilly rinse.  

Squatty potties: No comment. 

Generosity is not a material thing: Kinda like my lesson on hospitality, generosity was shown to me daily. I began to realize that generosity isn't about how much money you give to a certain charity or the amount of food you give to a homeless person. Being a generous person means that you're giving all that you have, even if you have nothing. I was offered the best seat in the house, whether that was a dirt floor or a plastic chair. I was always offered food, even if they didn't have enough to feed their family. I was offered the fan, the nest food, the car, the room to take a nap. And even when they didn't have anything, they offered a hug or words. They offered themselves; their heart. Real generosity is about giving all of your heart. And it's beautiful.   

It's okay to have dirty feet: Dirty feet mean that you're going into people's homes and building relationships. You have community. 

Durian: Don't smell it. Don't taste it. That is all.  

Live in the moment and you'll see God's daily arrival: You can't be focused on tomorrow. Or even on the next hour. I learned to leave school at school and home at home. When you're completely in the moment, God is able to use all of you. 

If you can't read the nutritional label, it's probably healthy for you: My philosophy when it came to buying snacks. Can't ready the fat content? Fat free! Can't read the sugar content? Sugar free! Smart? Nah. Enjoyable? Absolutely. 

I am not teacher material: The majority of the females in my family are teachers, but I don't think I'll be following in their footsteps. I loved it butttttt can't say I want to make a career out of it. Sorry y'all.

It's a good to be homesick for Heaven: I was extremely homesick the first couple of days until it hit me one afternoon. *BAM* Live in the moment. I was going to get to go home eventually, why not live it up in Cambodia until then? I was living in Cambodia for crying out loud... I needed to make the most of it! I then also realized how I should be longing for Heaven. I ached to go home, to see the people I loved dearly, to share laughter and joy, and to just be home. Isn't that how I should feel about Heaven. I  should long to be Home, to see my Father, to sit at his feet, to feel indescribable joy, and to be with those whom I hold most dear. It was a great realization and one that I will hold onto forever.

A Letter From Srun:

Dear Teacher Cassie.

Latter from my fill, when I did stadeid with teacher. I am happy, when I stady with teacher, and I like teacher and I love teacher somuch and I want to speak english with you. I want to give you stay here along time. When you go back don't forget me. I miss you, when you go back. I don't know when you go back. When I meet you againt. I hope, I will meet you againt. Sorry, teacher sometime, I didn't study english. Teacher difficult you hard and angry with me, but you didn't spoked. I am sorry, I speak trus. Last time, thank for teach me and I wish you good luck. I am not forget you. Thank teacher somuch. I love you and I miss you somuch. By by. I love teacher. See you latter. From Kim Srun. *signed with a heart drawn next to his signature*

*My attempted translation*

Dear Teacher Cassie,

Letter from my heart. *I honestly have no idea what he was trying to say* I was happy when I studied with the teacher. I liked the teacher when I studied and I loved her so much. I want to speak English with you. I want you to stay here a long time. Don't forget me when you go back. I will miss you when you go back. I don't know when you go back, but I hope I will meet you again. Sorry teacher, sometimes I didn't study English. Your class was difficult and hard. I know you were angry with me but you never said that you were. I am sorry, but I only speak the truth. Once again, thank you for teaching me and I wish you the best of luck. I will never forget you. Thank you so much teacher. I love and miss you so much. Goodbye teacher, I love you. See you later, Kim Srun.

I hope that made you chuckle and warmed your heart as much as it warmed mine.
Sheesh I love those boys.


Okay, I really am saying bye now. My friends all make fun of me because I'm the absolute worst at goodbyes. I always drag them out and make them entirely too long...

I just really hate saying goodbye. 
Like reeeeeally hate it. 



Okay seriously.
This is me saying goodbye.

Two months and a foreign country later...
All I can say is:

Oh, how He loves us.




I love you all to the moon and back.
And as Srun would say,

See you latter.
Cassie

Change or No Change?

[Sunday July 28, 2013]

Today is an important day in Cambodia. 

It's Election Day.

Yesterday, millions of people headed back to their hometowns in preparation for today's voting. You may think that this is a normal election, but it's a little different this year. Please forgive me for my limited knowledge, but I will try my best to effectively share what I know. 

So Cambodia is a constitutional monarchy and is headed by a King, Queen, Prime Minister, and parliament. *and probably some more officials, I'm just not to familiar with them* King Father recently passed away, but he was one of Cambodia's greatest, most "people-first" kings and was loved by the people here. His son has now stepped up and assumed his crown. So there is now the King, Queen Mother, and Hun Sen. *Prime Minister* Hun Sen represents the Cambodian People's Party and has been in power for like 20-something years. *I think* He is very appreciated by the older generation here due to his success in restoring Cambodia after it was nearly destroyed by the Khmer Rouge. But he's not too well-liked by the younger generation. They see only the corruption and in justice that Hun Sen has caused and want to change it. Okay so switch over to the opposing party, The National Rescue Party. Sam Raisny is a 64 year old Cambodian politician and loved by a lot of Cambodia's people. He became a member of the Funcinpec Party *another small party here* in 1992 and was elected into parliament the following year. He founded his own party *Sam Rainsy Party* in 1998 and was elected back into parliament. In 2005, he went into self-imposed exile to avoid being arrested. A vote in the National Assembly removed his parliamentary immunity and he was faced with multiple criminal defamation charges due to his accusations of corruption and fraud against the Cambodian People's Party and Funcinpec. He also accused Hun Sen of being behind a 2004 murder of a union leader. So basically, Hun Sen has all the power and ran Sam Rainsy out of the country. Many embassies became worried that that the government was just trying to silence the opposition party. He was sentenced to 18 months in prison as well as $14,000 in fines and compensation. He came back to Cambodia from 2006-2009, led a protest at the Cambodia-Vietnam border, was charged with racial incitement and destruction of property, failed to show up at court, fled the country, and has been in self-imposed exile since then. On July 12th, the King granted a royal pardon to Rainsy and allowed him to come back to Cambodia but he's not not eligible for this election. On the 19th *the day we went out to the countryside with Sharon and the girls* Rainsy returned to Cambodia. And let me tell ya. The streets were CRAZY. The people were so excited to have him back and he walked down a main street from the airport, waving and shaking everyone's hands. Because Rainsy can't run for office, he has now affiliated himself with the National Rescue Party. 

So with all that being said, this election is a little different this year. There is something in the air and everyone can feel it. It's like this excited whisper. 

There is this hope that things can change. The campaign parades are loud and crazy and everyone is cheering and waving and holding up numbers. Supporters of the Cambodian People's Party all hold up the number 4 *that's what number they are on the ballot* and supporters of the National Rescue Party hold up the number 7. Throughout the street you can here a cheer that is being yelled by everyone; people in the parades, shop owners that step outside to watch the processions, and even the little naked toddlers on the streets.

"Change or no change?" they yell. 

Change or no change?

Does Cambodia have a brighter future? 

Is there a chance that the corruption will stop?

Will there be a change?

Sarah and I will stay inside today and Cambodia will go to the polls.

Tomorrow the country will be full of black fingers *they dip them in ink to show who has voted and who hasn't yet* and we will know if there has been a change or no change. So tonight, my prayer is for this country. I pray that God's will be done. I pray that there will be peace and comfort and that Cambodia's future will be a bright one. 

Love you all,

Cassie 

Blessed

[Thursday 25, 2013]

It.

Is. 

Finished. 

Today was day 46 in Cambodia. 

And it was our last day of teaching. 

We taught a session in the morning and then had an ice cream party in the afternoon. Much better than English class right? Yeah, we thought so too. But more on that later.

These past few days have been interesting. I somehow turned into a Bible-Government-English-teacher and I'm not entirely sure how that happened. *The government teacher part is due to the election that is taking place on Sunday and the students interest in how to discuss it in English* I decided that it would be really great to get my students reading aloud in order to work more on pronunciation. We grabbed the only English bibles that I could find at the moment *those little orange Gideon's bibles* and jumped in. They chose to begin in Matthew chapter 3 and so they all took turns reading 5 verses aloud and then looking for words in the previously read verses that they didn't know or understand the meaning of. Well it was a great system except that I have no idea how to explain the meaning of some words. And how do you define a word that means one thing but is being used in a different way. How on earth do I teach metaphors? And how do I explain what "doth" means? This continued on all week and we somehow made it out alive y'all. Somehow. We reached the Beatitudes and I had a realization. I don't know what it is, but everything is so much more "real" in Cambodia. The sky is bluer, grass is greener, fruit tastes sweeter, I laugh from my inner most being, and I realize things that I should have known all along. It's not like I'm learning brand new things everyday, it's more like I just diving in deeper. And I love that. 

So we got to Matthew 5 and I knew what was coming next. I dreaded having to give the definition for meek and trying to explain to them what being poor in spirit meant because I honestly don't know sometimes. But as I listened to the boys read, it hit me. Another "dive in deeper" moment. See, when they saw the word "blessed" they didn't read it the way I've grown up hearing it. *bless-ed* They saw the word "blessed" so they said the word "blessed"... as in blessings.  

Then it all made sense.

Being "bless-ed" wasn't something that you had to earn.  

I've grown up thinking *without necessarily realizing that I thought this way* that these Beatitudes were some nearly unachievable goal that you wanted to reach in order to be "bless-ed." In order to be given a gold star or a checkmark on the chart. It was like I was saying, "Yeah okay God, I'm going to try my hardest to be poor in spirit because I'd really like to end up in heaven." When in actuality He is saying "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of Me and my rule." Or "Okay God, I won't be reeeeally sad when I'm sad because I know you'll take care of me." That's not it at all. He is saying, "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Or. "Meek, God? what does that even mean?" His response? "You're blessed when you're content with who you are-no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourself as a proud owner of everything that can't be bought."

*I would like to give full credit to The Message for the verses* 

So yeah. 

It took like 14 twenty year olds to help me realize that I'm not aiming for this perfect score. I'm being richly blessed by my Father in heaven that loves me very much and wants nothing more than to have a relationship with me. 

I'm not trying to be bless-ed. 

I'm being blessed day after day. 

Who's the Bible teacher now, huh?

After our morning class was over, my students asked me to pray one last time. This prayer consisted of me thanking God for the opportunity that I had this summer and for my students and for their wisdom and brains and huge hearts. Of course, I teared up a bit and my voice may or may not have cracked. But hey. I didn't care. 

After lunch we recruited Chanty and Roth to take us to the store to buy ice cream for our party that afternoon. Well our quick trip to the store kind of turned into a 2 hour *or so* adventure and hunt for ice cream. We went to Dairy Queen and Swenson's and even a huge supermarket. Dairy Queen didn't sell tubs of ice cream and their cakes were too expensive for the number of people we were feeding. Swenson's was expensive but the amount of ice cream we would be buying made it worth it... except that it was all one flavor. We decided to jump across the mall *Swenson's and the supermarket were in a mall* and check out the varieties and prices in the supermarket. After about 15 minutes if deliberating and calculating, we headed back to Swenson's to by the huge tub. Well when we returned there was some confusion and they told us that the price increased by $10. Uh. Okay? W stood there and listened s Roth and Chanty took the reigns and attempted to make sense of the situation. By the end of the conversation, we found out that the tubs weren't for sale. Back to the supermarket for the four of us *but not without buying sundaes for our wonderful escorts.  

So we ended up with 6 containers of ice cream: 2 vanilla, 2 chocolate, 1 chocolate chip, and 1 strawberry. Oh and don't forget the bottle of chocolate syrup. 

Phew. 

We survived the ice cream excursion and laughed the whole way home. Our friends are so wonderful here. We made it back to the school all in one piece and made sure all the ice cream was put away. Sarah and I were then taken back to the hotel to rest until our ice cream party that was scheduled for 4:00. 

The part was a success and they ate nearly all the ice cream. There was only a little left in the second chocolate and vanilla. Hooray for ice cream! 

We taught the children for the last time and even received a HUGE hug from one of the older girls. Sarah and I looked at each other and we both had tears in our eyes. Seriously y'all. The absence of physical affection has been hard. 

After class, we took Sokhom and Srey Nang to Viva for a thank you dinner. We enjoyed a nice Mexican meal, *Srey Nang got a steak... She's not a fan of Spanish cuisine*  visited for a while longer, and then headed back. 

And now here we are. 

Our English teaching career has come to an end. 

What? 

It honestly feels like we've only been here for like a week and a half. I can't believe that we'll be leaving in 6 days. It's surreal. 

I. Am. So. Blessed. 

This summer has been incredible. It has been full of tears and peaks and valleys and food and sickness and laughing and language and joy and miscommunication and it has been the best summer of my life. No doubt. 

I can't imagine having to say goodbye to these beautiful people in 6 days. 

But for the next 6 days, I pray that I can pour love and encouragement into them. 

They deserve every bit of it. 

Goodnight friends. I love you all and I'm so blessed to have you.

Cassie